


It still hurts

by Feenaa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asthma, Car Accidents, Depressed Louis, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Hospitalization, Life Partners, M/M, Post-Divorce, Sad Harry, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:15:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22618477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenaa/pseuds/Feenaa
Summary: Four years ago, Louis and Harry made an accident, it cost them alot,They both suffered, someone learned how to deal with his pain, while the other was stuck in his guilt,It's about learning to forgive yourself
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 25
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

It was late at night when Harry's phone rang, he was sleeping alone on his bed, covered tightly snorting softly. the phone didn't stop ringing, and eventually Harry opened his eyes, he wake up and took the phone the ID shows “ Zayn"

Harry jumped up from his bed, Zayn never called. actually Zayn hadn't called since three years ago, exactly since the divorce. 

“ Zayn?” Harry answered and he couldn't hide his concerns

“ oh thanks God Harry.. did i wake you up?” Zayn  
answered, his voice was nervous . three years or more, Harry knew Zayn very much , he knew there was something wrong

“ Zayn.. what is wrong?” Harry asking leaving his bed already,

Zayn sighed “ it's Louis.. I am sorry to call you, but I don't know who else to call..”

Harry raised his voice “ Zayn what happened?”

“ he is at the hospital.. something happened..”

Harry's heart stopped beating for a second, although they were divorced, they were not talking anymore, but if Louis was in the hospital, and it seemed serious since Zayn was calling, it must had scared him,

“ what happened?” Harry asked again,

Zayn “ I think.. I need you to come.. please.. can you do this?”

Zayn was panicking, and Harry couldn't take it anymore 

“ Zayn , tell me , is he okay?” Harry had to ask, he couldn't bear any other losses, divorced or not, al least he knew louis was out there breathing somewhere,  
Zayn was obviously still nervous, voice was trembling and it hurt Harry's heart “ I don't know..but he is alive..”

Harry tried to breath “ okay.. where are you?”

Harry opened the drawer next to his bed, put out his inhaler, he felt his chest was tightened on him, but he needed to remain focus now,

Zayn gave him the address, and Harry moved right away , he went outside the room he was sleeping in, it was a child room with small bed in the shape of a car, the walls were covered by the cartoons characters posters, obviously Harry was sleeping in his son’s room,

In front of the house door, Harry put on his jacket, and then he tried to take a full breath, and when it didn't work, he took a puff of his inhaler, okay he was panicking , and it might trigger his asthma,

Harry drove as fast as he could to the hospital, he didn't know what to expect, he hadn't seen Louis for a complete three years, not even once. Louis made sure not to meet Harry in any common occasions, and if he knew Harry existed in any place he was invited to, he would never accept the invitation. 

Most of their friends tried to solve whatever happened between that couple, Harry tried too by his own way, he never wanted the divorce, he never blamed Louis for what happened, he even tried to help Louis to forgive, himself, but Louis just couldn't, and eventually Harry decided to do what Louis asked for for six months, and finally they got their divorce

When Harry reached the hospital, he found Zayn was waiting for him, Zayn was Louis's best friend since forever, he was the only one who always stuck with louis no matter how Louis tried to push him away, Zayn promised Harry to take a good care of Louis, and Harry trusted Zayn, and Zayn did his work perfectly.

“ thanks God you are here" Zayn said once he saw Harry. He gave him a giuck hug 

Harry was worried, but Zayn's face seemed relaxed, and that calmed Harry a little.

“ tell me anything Zayn..” Harry said 

Zayn “ I don't know Harry. I found him unconscious in his room. doctors say he overdosed..”

Harry was shocked “ what?!”

Zayn “ ever since the anniversary , and he is not okay.. it always happens. but this time it was different"

Harry sighed, he closed his eyes , pinched his nose bridge “ it has been almost four years, why is he keep doing this?”

Zayn looked sorry, he put his hand on Harry's shoulder  
“ I am really sorry.. I didn't know who to call, I have a plane to catch in like thirty minutes.”

Harry looked at him surprised “ are you leaving?”

Zayn sighed “ I hate doing this but I have to, I won't be late, just for couple of days, you know it's our Eid, and I have already made some plans, I tried to cancel but you know my family"

Harry nodded understanding “ yeah, yeah, happy Eid, sure .. er.. what about Niall?”

Zayn shook his head “ he is in Ireland..”

Harry looked at the floor “ he doesn't want to see me Zayn..”

Zayn “ yeah..” then he put out his phone “ you are right.. I will cancel the plans.. I will just call Gigi.”

Harry stopped him “ no, no , stop.. I will be there.. I will watch over him, it just I don't know how will he accept me again"

Zayn looked at Harry “ are you sure?”

Harry nodded “ yeah, of course, I know it will be tough..”

Zayn “ yeah it will, he is .. er... he changed Harry, Louis we all used to know just died back there at the accident I tried my best , you know we all tried, but these past three years he pretends that he was okay..”

“ pretends?”

“ yeah, he is.. he locks his feelings, and his emotions, he fakes everything he is doing, and I know he is not okay..”

Harry only nodded, he knew how Louis changed after the accident, Louis suffered the most, Harry still remembers those days, it was dark days , although he wasn't really there for Louis at the begging, he was in coma for a whole month, the worst month that could Louis live, but he knew that Louis suffered a lot, because once Harry was okay and left the hospital, Louis asked for divorce, he wanted to be alone, no matter how people around him tried, Louis just couldn't face people, Louis couldn't forgive himself.

******

Zayn had to leave to catch his plane, and Harry had to stay, he called his best friend Liam, and he told him what happened, and told him he will skip work for today, they were friends, and they were also partners, both owned a bakery since long time ago.

Louis's doctor, “ Dr Baily" talked to Harry, and she told him all about Louis's condition, he did overdosed, they didn't know if it was intentioned or not, And Harry didn’t really know, he knew Louis had suffered from depression for quite time, but he also knew that got his treatment and he gained his mental health,

Dr Baily asked Harry to see louis, at the start Harry didn't know what to do , he wasn't ready to see him, he couldn't see him after all, every time he saw him, he remembered that day. to be honest he never forgot, but seeing Louis would open the unhealed wounds in the heart again. 

Eventually Harry entered the room, Louis needed someone, and besides he promised Zayn, he would take care of him until Zayn returns back. 

When Harry entered, at first he gasped, Louis was lying there on the hospital bed, sleeping, Harry's heart was beating fast, three years were a lot, three years Harry never saw him, never talked to him, seeing him this way again really hurt. 

Louis lost a lot of weight, he looked pale, Harry didn't know was it because what just happened, or was this how he looked now a days,

Harry slowly sat by louis' side , and he found himself staring at him, that was his old husband, the love of his life, the one he shared everything with, they built a home together one day, they had a kid together, they lost a lot together, but Louis decided that everyone had to suffer alone, Louis made that decision alone, and Harry only had to accept.

Slowly Harry touched Louis's hand, he didn't know how much he missed his touch, he missed Louis, and no matter how he tried, no matter how he got himself involved in any relation, he always missed Louis, he always needed him in his life again,

“ what are you doing here?”

Louis asked snapping Harry's from his thoughts , Harry looked at him, and hastily he withdrew his hand, looking at Louis with eyes wide opened.

Louis turned more pale, he looked around him, then he looked at Harry so confused

“ what.. where am I? What are you doing here?”

Harry sighed “ Zayn called me..”

Louis “ why?”

“ you overdosed Louis..”

Louis frowned “ no I didn't"

Harry was still looking at him, Louis raised his voice “ I did not... shit..”

Harry said calmly “ they barely saved you..”

Louis sighed, he closed his eyes  
“ why are you here Harry?”

Harry didn't answer, Louis “ leave me alone"

“ I can't"

Louis shouted “ leave me alone.. fuck..”

Harry took a deep breath

“ you overdosed Louis, they cleaned your system, you weren't breathing...”

Louis groaned “ I didn't “

Harry looked away, Louis “ leave me alone..”

Harry was getting angry “ why are you doing this..”

Louis didn't answer, Harry “ it has been four years... four..”

Louis yelled “ shut up.”

Harry stood up leaving his chair “ why are you doing this?”

Then he stopped pacing the room and looked at Louis “ did you tried to kill your self?”

Louis shook his head “ no.. I didn't. why do you care anyway, we are not together anymore..”

Harry looked at him “ I care. I still care okay, we are not together because you wanted this, you asked for this in order to be okay..but this.. this is not okay"

“ get out..” Louis huffed 

Harry shook his head in disbelief, then he looked at Louis  
“ I miss him too”

“stop" Louis said closing his eyes. 

But Harry didn't “ it wasn't your fault..”

“ stop Harry..” he yelled

But Harry yelled too “ it was not your fault..”

“stop"

“ he was my son too"

And Louis lost it, he cried, Harry didn’t expect this, he just got closer, and he hugged Louis, Louis wanted to set himself free, but Harry didn't leave him, so eventually Louis cried on Harry's shoulder

“ it still hurts..” Louis sobbed

Harry nodded, he was this close from crying “ I know"

“ I miss him Harry. I killed him. I killed our son"

Harry shook his head trying to hold his tears “you didn't Lou, it wasn't your fault.. I swear"

But Louis cried, Harry tried to calm him down, but he found himself crying too, after all he was his son too, his son that died four years ago in that accident, the accident that Louis was the reason for it  
. 


	2. Chapter 2

Harry spent the day at the hospital with Louis , Louis slept for the rest of the day, didn't open his eyes for a second, Harry believes that Louis pretended being asleep only to avoid meeting Harry,

When Harry's phone rang, Harry had to get out of the room, he didn't want to bother Louis anyway, “ hello..”

“ Harry.. what happened?” it was a male voice,

Harry was leaning on the wall beside Louis's room door “ I am sorry, I wanted to call you.. it's Louis"

Silence then “ Louis.. your ex?”

Harry sighed “ yes, he is at the hospital he overdosed”

“ oh.., okay then why are you there?”

Harry sighed “ there is no one, Zayn had to go home, I had to go Shane”

Harry felt that Shane ( obviously his partner) was getting annoyed

“ don't worry.. tell me how is Paris" harry tried to sound cheerful,

Shane sounded really upset “ good Harry, how long are you planning to stay with him"

Harry smiled “ as long as it takes Shane..”

Shane sighed through the phone “ Is he okay?”

Harry “ he will be.. you know how he reacts during this time of the year..”

Shane “ no Harry I don't..”

Harry took a deep breath “ Shane..”

Shane “ okay.. okay.. we will not fight through the phone. don't exhaust yourself there.”

Harry smiled again “ okay I won't. do you know when will you get back?”

Shane “ I don't know Harry , maybe next week..”

Harry “ okay.. Shane stop being mad"

Shane “ well I'm not , I'm just worried about you, last week wasn't perfect for you too”

Harry closed his eyes trying to forget “ yeah.. but I’m fine now. I will call you.”

Shane “ take care please. if you feel anything Harry, just . take care..”

Harry still smiling “ ok.. bye",

When he returned back, Louis was lying in a sitting position, Harry looked at him confused,

“ do you need anything?” Harry asked,

Louis sighed “ why are you still here?”

Harry “ because I can't leave you like this..”

Louis drily “ like what..”

Harry didn't talk, he just sat back on his chair, Louis was still watching him

“ you should go back. i'm sure your husband is already worried about you.”

Harry looked at him irritated “ he is out of the town and he is not my husband.”

Louis looking away “ still.. you need to leave.”

Harry “ God Louis, I can't leave, they already think you were trying to end your life.”

Louis interrupted “ I was not..”

Harry “ they don't know that .so either me, or you have to undergo the three days suicide watch, then two weeks at the rehabilitation. so it's your choice really"

Louis was looking at Harry speechless, then he sighed and stopped talking,

The door was knocked and opened, then Dr Baily entered,

Once she saw the two of them , she smiled widely  
“ how are you doing now Mr Tomlinson..”

Louis only nodded, Dr Bailey “ care to tell us what happened?”

Louis sighed “ I wasn't trying to kill myself..”

Dr Baily nodded “ okay.. then what happened?”

Louis looked at Harry who was staring at the floor, then he looked at Baily, Dr Baily must understood cause she said

“Mr Styles...can you please wait for us outside..”

Harry looked at her then at Louis, he seemed shocked a littke bit, he didn't expect that, but Louis avoided looking at him, eventually Harry stood and left the room,

Dr Baily “ better?”

Louis “ I didn't try to kill my self..”

Dr Baily nodded “ I believe you, but we should know what happened"

Louis “ I was trying to sleep. and I guess I was drunk so alcohol and hypnotics don't mix obviously..” he tried to smile,

Dr Baily was watching him, she then nodded, and got closer a little “ do you have sleeping troubles?”

Louis “ I do..”

Dr Baily “ for how long?”

Louis” for four years, don't worry my shrink wrote the pills for me.. I've never tried to do this before.. you can check..”

Dr Baily nodded “ I did.. but I still have to contact your shrink.. he must stop writing them..”,

Louis was shocked “ I wasn’t trying to hurt myself..”,

Dr Baily nodded “ I told you I believe you but this is the protocol. he will observe you for the coming three months and then he will have to decide whether you should take them again or not.”  
Louis shook his head in disbelief, Dr Baily “ and you should be observed at home someone has to make sure you attend your sessions, and watch over you.”

“ no"

Dr Baily completed “ we know you live with your own so we talked to your friend and he was okay"

Louis shocked “ friend? You mean Harry?”

Dr Baily nodded confused “ yes Mr Styles would love to co-operate. is this a problem?”

Louis stopped to think, then he slowly nodded, just he has to get out of here, then he will deal with  
Harry later

“ when can I leave?”

Dr Baily “ tomorrow morning.. “ then she smiled “ we don't like to see you here again Mr Tomlinson.”

Louis nodded faking a smile, then she left,

Louis took a deep breath, and he started to remember what the hell happened last night, okay he was angry, he was down, he drank so much, he was trying to remove the pain, he was trying to lose his conscious and knock himself down, and when it didn't work, he remembered taking some sleeping pills, and then he lied himself on his bed, next thing he remembered sleeping here and Harry sitting beside him

Shit

The door was opened again, and Louis knew it was Harry, he still could recognize his smell, Harry entered and sat back at his chair, he didn't say a word

Louis looked at him, Harry didn't change so much really, his hair was a little shorter, he has gained a tan, and he looked more slim than before

“ you should go now.” Louis started

Harry looked at him, Louis “ come back tomorrow. it's getting late and I will sleep anyway”

Harry slowly nodded, he was going to stand up  
“ are you going to be okay?”

Louis was confused, he thought Harry would fight again, he just nodded,

Harry stood up, and he walked towards the door saying  
“ good night Louis..”

Louis just nodded watching him leaving, and he knew Harry was angry at him, and he was trying to contain his anger.  
******

Next morning was a different story, Harry showed up early at the hospital, Louis hadn't get ready yet, he brought breakfast with him, once he entered the room, Louis smelled the beautiful smell

“ you are here early?” Louis asked

Harry nodded “ they told me you will be dismissed at 8 sharp..”

Louis nodded, Harry “ I baked you some muffins”

Louis smiled, he loved his muffins, and Harry remembered. 

Harry gave him the small box, and he sat on the chair beside him,

“ how are you feeling today?”

Louis eating a bite “ boring. couldn't sleep well",

Harry nodded “ okay.. did they tell you about the precautions?”

Louis “ you mean someone babysitting me.. yeah they told me you are the winner yay..” he raised his hands in a Celebration way

Harry took a deep breath, and looked at the floor,  
Louis put the muffin away, he was going to say something ,when the door was opened, a nurse entered

“ are you ready Mr Tomlinson?”

Louis nodded, ok save the words for later, and he then left the bed to enter the bathroom, he was going to get dressed now so they can leave,

When Louis went out of the bathroom, Dr Baily was talking with Harry, when she saw him she stopped talking and both looked at him, DR Baily smiled “ are you ready?”

Louis again faked a smile “ I am..”

Dr Baily “ okay.. if you feel anything wrong, if you feel down , you need to call your doctor and not try to sleep..”

Louis looked at Harry, and then he looked down,  
Dr Baily “ take good care of yourself Mr Tomlinson..”

Louis nodded and together, they left the room, the way to outside takes longer than usual, Louis noticed that Harry was walking slower than him, he didn't understand why, but he just walked beside him

Once they were in the car, Harry put out his inhaler, and took a puff, Louis was watching him  
“ are you okay?”

Ever since the accident and Louis knew Harry was not okay anymore, he had a permanent condition , Harry had lost a son that day, and he also lost a lung, yeah he lived with one lung now, which is okay, and it happens. 

it was not a life-threatening case anyway, but it was something, and it had its own complications. 

Louis actually never stayed with Harry after, once Harry wake up from his coma, Louis disappeared, and two weeks later he sent him the divorce papers, he couldn't bear the pain, and he believed that was the right thing to do,

Harry looked at Louis and he took a deep breath and smiled,

Louis looked more worried, he still knew when Harry lies. and right now Harry was lying, “ are you sure?”

Harry looked in front “ where to?”

Louis looked in front too, ok he would stop asking  
“ home..”

Harry smiled “ and where is that?”

Louis “ oh..” Harry didn’t know where he lived

“ just get me to my office, it's the next building"

Harry nodded, and then started his car, Louis's phone rang, and it was Niall,

Louis didn't answer, Harry noticed “ won't you get that?”

Louis shook his head “ he is Niall..Zayn must have told him..”

Harry nodded “ answer him then, he must be worried..”

Louis ignored Harry, and to the rest of the way they both remained silent, no one said a word, and it was uncomfortable silence. 

*****

Once they entered Louis building, the Janitor rushed towards Louis, he asked if he was ok or not. 

Louis answered rudely , and it seemed it was okay cause the janitor didn’t lose his smile,

When they headed towards the elevator, he told them it was not working for today, Harry's face turned pale, but no one noticed,

Harry followed Louis upstairs, he was few steps behind, but Louis didn't pay attention, he was thinking of any possible way to get rid of Harry, they reached Louis's flat, and Louis opened the door, and entered leaving the door opened for Harry. 

The flat wasn't so big, but it was very neat, Louis moved directly towards the curtains to open them, he hated dark, dark reminded him of awful memories. 

“ Lou..” Louis heard Harry whispering,

When he turned his back towards Harry, Harry was leaning on the wall beside the door, struggling to take his breaths, in a second Louis was by his side, helping him to sit on the nearby chair, “ what's wrong..”

Harry sat on the chair, his full body was shaking, his hand clutched on his chest, eyes closed, lips turning purple

“ Harry.. what can I do?”

Louis was acting frantically, he knew about Harry's condition, but he didn't know what to do in any situation,

“ oh God... do I call someone? Oh God, I'm calling Shane..”

Louis was going to run , but he heard “ no, no..”

He looked back at Harry, he was gaining his colour back, “ it's okay..”

He tried to breathe deeply, Louis was still looking frantically at him,

“ I will – be fine..”

Louis sat in front of him on the floor “ what can I do? Where is your inhaler..”

Harry shook his head “ in the car..”

Louis stood up “ I will be fast..”,

“ wait..wait..” Harry finally lift his head and opened his eyes

“ it's okay.. I just.. it happens with .. the stairs..”

Louis “ oh shit, shit.. I forgot. shit I’m so sorry.”

Harry trying to smile “ stop cursing Lou..”

Lou was getting angry now “ you should have said anything..”

Harry smiled “ I didn't .. know , you were.. too fast.. it's not.. your fault..”

Louis stopped talking, of course it was his fault, this all was his fault,

Louis was still looking at Harry “ you don't need me to call Shane?”

Harry shook his head “ we will scare him for nothing.. I just need to stay sit . and I will calm down..”

Louis “ okay, okay.. can you move to the kitchen it's really close I need to make you some tea"

Harry nodded, and he stood up slowly and he followed Louis, Louis pulled a chair for him and Harry sat again, he stayed silent still resting his hand on his chest, doing some breathing exercises, that what it looked like to Louis. 

Louis made him some tea, and he put it in front of him, then he sat beside him,

“ feeling better?” Louis asked

Harry looked at him smiling “ I’m fine.. really."

Louis nodded “ drink your tea..”

Harry took his cup and drank a sip, then he looked at Louis “ that is so stupid.. I was supposed to take care of you, now look at you ..”

Louis “ I don't need you to take care of me, and I did nothing, it just some tea.. I can't fix what is done anyway..”

Harry stopped talking, put the cup back at the table  
“ fix what Louis..”, but Louis didn't answer

Harry sighed “ God, how many times do I need to tell you that this is not your fault.”

Louis stood up, and turned to the fridge putting out some water bottle to drink, Harry “ it's not your fault Louis... stop doing this to yourself..”

Louis looked at him “ Harry please, stop talking.." he then sighed " listen I think you should leave..”

Harry shook his head in disbelief, Louis “ I mean thank you and everything, but you need to go, I don't need you to babysit me..”

Harry leaving his seat “ God Louis when did you become that stubborn. i'm not babysitting you.. I  
just need to talk to you.”

Louis “ about what exactly. we have nothing to talk about anymore..”

Harry “ yes we do..”

Louis still acting carelessly “ what? what was between us is over, we are divorced.. you have a boyfriend now, what was between us is done, what connected us together is done..”

Harry “ he is dead. what connected us together.. you mean Noah.. our son.. he is dead yeah but what about us..”

Louis getting angry “ oh God..”

Harry “ you didn’t kill our son Louis, but you definitely killed our love, you destroyed what we had, you buried it six feet under with him..”

Louis “ it wasn't going to work Harry..”

Harry almost yelled “ said who? You didn't want it to work.. you ran away..”

Louis snapped “ I thought you were okay with this .. you are in a relation, living perfectly fine"

Harry frowned “ I was never okay with this. I only did what you wanted and I lived Louis.. I lived and met someone..”

Louis chuckled sarcastically “ okay..”

Harry's eyes went wide, he got angry, then he moved and stood in front of Louis, then he slapped his face

Yeah just like that

Louis looked at him shocked, Harry said so angry but not yelling

“.don't you ever question my feelings towards my son.. I loved him and I still do..”

Louis whispered “ I didn't..”

Harry still angry “ you blame me for living my life, you blame me for being happy again, but guess what I will never be happy again, a part of me was buried that day Louis, a big part, but I didn't give up unlike you.. I learned how to live with my pain.. with my loss..”

Louis “ it's easy for you..”

Harry yelled now “ how could you..”

Louis yelled back “ it is. you feel pain I feel guilty..”

Harry yelled back.” God Louis.. it was not your fault..”

“ it was..”

“ no, it happens... accidents happen.. people dies in accident Louis, you are not the only one who-”

Harry stopped talking, Louis looked at him

“ say it.. who what? Who killed his son and almost killed his husband..”

Harry looked at him eyes full if tears , then he “ okay Louis.. you were driving, but it wasn't your fault..”

“ it was Harry..”

Harry shook his head “ no.. you didn't see the car coming, you didn't know..”

“ I was drunk..” he said it yelling,

Harry sighed “ we only had one shot.. if you want to blame yourself then you better blame me too, I drank with you while we know we should drive our son home..”

Louis wiped his tears away, Harry moved closer to him ,  
“ that wasn't your fault..”

Louis shook his head, then he looked down “ I think you should leave Harry..”

Then he left the kitchen leaving Harry by himself, Harry only sighed and sat back on his chair, he wiped his tears away, believing that one day Louis will understand that the accident wasn't his fault.

Louis entered his room, and stormed to the bathroom, his body was shaking severely, then he opened the toilet seat and threw up, he retched, and it hurt, and when he finished, he flushed the toilet, and headed towards the sink, he opened the water, and then he cried, he actually sobbed, his knees couldn't stand him and he fell on the ground, he was crying, and he felt pain in his chest, and he knew one thing, Harry must leave, cause he just couldn't breath while Harry was around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is it so far? Continue?


	3. Chapter 3

When Louis finally went out of his bathroom, Harry was waiting for him in his bed room, he was sitting on the chair at the corner, his eyes were red and puffed, and Louis knew why. 

When Harry saw him , he stood up “ I need you pills..”

Louis looked at him shocked “ what?”

“ sleeping pills..”

Louis exhaled violently “ I told you I didn't try to fucking kill myself..”

Harry said still calm “ alright.. I still need them.”

Louis angrily opened his drawer of his nightstand next to his bed, and he put two pills bottles and threw them away towards Harry, Harry took them and left the room. 

Louis didn't follow, he stopped himself , he knew if he did he would lose his temper and this was never good.

Harry entered the kitchen, and threw the pills at the sink, and then threw the bottles at the garbage, he took a deep breath to think, right now he didn't know what to do, he wanted to help Louis but didn't know how, he couldn't call Shane cause he knew his opinion, he couldn't call Zayn, Zayn already was lost as he was. 

So he called his best friend, he called Liam. 

Liam wasn't a help actually, no one understood Louis now, all he did he promised Harry he would be there first thing tomorrow, so for tonight, Harry was going to deal alone with Louis

*******

Few hours later,  
“ watch out.. watch out Louis" Harry was screaming

BAAANGGG

Sound of screeching of car tires, heavy impact, shuttered glasses, and again Harry screams but of pain.

Louis opened his eyes struggling to breath, it was dark, Louis hated dark, he tried to figure out Where he was panickly

“ it's a dream.. it's a dream" he was telling himself, he touched the surrounding, it was soft, he was covered, okay he was on his bed. 

then he hastily opened the light beside him, and he took a deep breaths, in , out, in, out, then he opened his eyes. 

they were glassy, and he felt tears on his cheeks, his body was still shaking, fuck, that's why he needed his sleeping pills, somehow it kept the nightmares away.

When he finally calmed down, he looked at his phone, it was still nine pm, and hell no, why did he wake up now, he tried to sleep again, but didn't happen. 

He was hungry, He was thirsty, so he went outside his room, but in his way to the kitchen, he heard noises, his TV was on, he was shocked, Harry was still here. 

He moved towards Harry instead, Harry was sitting in his couch sleeping in an angel Louis knows it would hurt his neck, when Louis got closer to wake him up, he froze.

He remembered seeing him in this way before, with a large piece of glass penetrating his chest, blood was everywhere, unconscious , making horrible sounds.

Louis ran away to his kitchen, and no, he could not do this again , Harry must leave, if he stayed any longer Louis would drive himself crazy. 

Louis drank some water, sat on his kitchen table to catch his breath, but he found a homemade food on the table, Harry cooked. 

Thirty minutes later, Louis still in his position, scared to go to wake Harry, couldn't touch his food, then the door bell rang. 

Louis stood up trying to control his legs, he opened the door, it was his delivery man, Louis asked for MacDonald, he would never eat Harry's green food, he never did it before, and certainly he wasn't going to do it now.

He closed the door holding his food, and when he turned to the kitchen Harry was standing in front, hands folded on his chest.

“ what are you doing?” Harry asked. 

Louis tried to remain focus, he was still afraid to touch Harry, or even talk to him, he only raised his hand to show him the food, and to his surprise Harry took the bag from him and moved to the kitchen, Louis followed. 

Harry rested the bag on the kitchen board and then he took a clean plate, and put the food he cooked, and then put it on the table, waving to Louis to sit on the chair in front of the table, to his surprise , Louis found himself obeying.

Harry was watching, Louis was still obeying, he held the fork and started to eat. 

Harry on the other side took the bag and put it beside Louis, put out the sandwich, the fries and started to eat himself . 

Louis looked at him surprised “ really!!”

Harry was looking at his food having a big bite, trying to hold his laugh inside, he just shrugged “ I won't eat that..”

He looked at the food in front of Louis, Louis “ why should I?”

Harry took another big bite again “ cause you have to, your stomach can't hold this inside"

he looked at the sandwich in his hand saying “ and I won't clean after you..”

He bit another one " besides who is gonna eat it if I didn't"

Louis reaching his hand to take some fries, but he was slapped on his hand, Harry was looking at him angrily  
“ I am serious..”

Louis exhaled, he was hungry, and the smell penetrated his nose and he couldn't stop his saliva that almost drooled out of his mouth, but he also knew Harry, he would kill him if he tried to make any move, besides Harry was right, he knew his stomach couldn't digest that now, So eventually he surrendered, and started to eat Harry's cooked food.

“ slept well?” Harry asked,

Louis only shrugged, Harry “ it' s a yes “

Louis sighed “ why are you still here?”

Harry didn't answer that, Louis “ are you planning to spend the night here.”

Harry was eating “ yup..”

Louis shocked “ what!!”

Harry put the sandwich on the plate again “ yes Louis I'm planning to stay with you..”

Louis “ I told you I don't need your help.. I'm fine.. fuck"

Harry was still calm as usual “ I called your doctor.. we have an appointment tomorrow..”

Louis “ who is we?”

Harry pointing at both of them “ you and I "

Louis was getting angry “ why are you doing this..”

Harry left his seat , Louis continued “ does Shane knows about that..”

Harry put a glass of water in front of Louis, and then he looked at him frowning “ what about Shane?”

Louis was looking at him crossing his arms raising one brow

Harry sighed sitting back “ I'm helping an old friend Louis.. why would he say anything"

Louis “ we are not friends Harry we were partners, we were married.. I didn't know he is such an understanding person..”

Harry shook his head “ no, we are not talking about Shane.. we will talk about you now..”

Louis sighed “ Harry, I don't need you here..”

Harry nodded “ I know that.. well .. I'm not leaving anyway..”

Louis “ why? You don’t have to ..”

Harry pinched his nose bridge “ God..”

Louis was so angry now “ so tell me why? I left you before.. I left you while you needed me the most..” 

Harry looked at him “ it's different..”

Louis yelled now “ no not different.. I left you alone struggling with your grief and your pain.. what are you trying to prove..”

Harry was still watching at him “ I'm not trying to prove anything Louis.. why can't you accept that. I don't have a reason to stay I'm just trying to help you.” Louis yelled again “ help me to do what?”

Harry yelling too “ to live.. to forgive yourself.”

Louis shook his head and left his seat “ God no.. we aren't doing this..”

Harry took a deep breath “ I don’t wanna do this either.. you just keep asking me why am I here.”

Louis looked at him “ I cant stay with you.”

Harry looked at him breathing fast, he pressed his mouth shut

“ fine Louis, I'm leaving the minute Zayn comes back.. is this okay.. can you stand this?”

Louis didn't talk, Harry stood up “ I’m doing it for Noah.. I know you hate me now .. but you were a part of me too..”

Louis looked at him, he wanted to yell , I don't hate you idiot, but I can't breath while you are around. He wanted to say 

Harry left the kitchen, he was hurt, he was devastated, but Louis couldn't stop him ,

Outside, Harry sat silently on the couch, Louis looked at him through the kitchen door, but he didn't know what to do now, so finally he went back to his room. 

*****  
Next morning early, Louis walked out of his room, he couldn't sleep for a second, he stayed in his room trying to think of anything so not to get out and deal with Harry. 

Louis moved towards the kitchen , he needed a cup of tea, in his way he saw Harry sitting at the same position from last night, he seemed cold, and Louis blamed himself, he moved to his room and took a  
light blanket, and he moved towards Harry, Harry was sleeping, he was frowning, something Harry used to do when he slept angry. 

When Louis put the blanket on Harry, Harry opened his eyes, Louis looked at him and tried to smile “ I thought you were cold..”

Harry toom a deep breath slowly, and then he smiled at Louis, nodding, he covered himself tightly “ yeah.. I was..”

Louis “ did you slept like that all the night''

Harry nodded again, trying to find the most comfortable angel

“ you can sleep on the bed.. I won’t leave..”

Harry shook his head “ I’m okay..”

Louis sighed “ I wont hurt myself Harry .. go have some rest.”

Harry closed his eyes “ I know.. but I can't..”

Louis getting angry “ fuck.. look at you.”

Harry opened his eyes again and frowned “ I can't lie down Louis.. I don’t have my oxygen..”

Louis's face turned pale, Harry “ it's not about not trusting you..”

Louis stopped talking for a while, then  
“ do you always need it?”

Harry shrugged “ most of the time..”

Louis was going to ask, but he stopped himself, instead

“ I will make some tea..”

Harry nodded “ I will follow..”

Louis left to his kitchen, the ache in his chest was suffocating, he pressed on the kettle, and then he looked at Harry through the kitchen door , and he started to think how fucked up his life was now. 

Louis poured the hot water, and he put it on the table, Harry was still on the couch. 

Louis took the cups and decided to go to him  
“ are you okay?”

Louis asked, Harry looked at him smiling, but he looked struggling

Louis “ what?!”

Harry shook his head “ I’m sorry sometimes it takes longer than I expect to steady my breathing.. I can't stand suddenly.. I might fall..”

Louis nodded “ it's okay.. I brought the tea..”

Harry looked at him “ no” then he stood up slower than usual

“ I will make some pancake.”

Louis sighed “ Harry.. sit down.”

But Harry already moved to the kitchen, Louis called  
“ Harry..”,

Harry “ I eat breakfast Louis.. not just tea..”

Louis “ okay , you sit I will make you some"

Harry raising a brow “ really?”

Louis “ I will try..”

Harry smiled “ relax.. I know what I'm doing. I’ve been living like this for four years now..”

Harry didn't know how it sounded to Louis, how his words stabbed him right in the heart, he just put out a pan , and started the fire. 

“ you can help if you want..”

Louis nodded, and together they made breakfast, and sat to eat it, Louis realized it was the first time since four years he eats breakfast with someone, or he eats breakfast anyway.

“ how is the office?” Harry asked drinking his tea, new one not that cold old one Louis made it previously. 

Louis looked at him “ good, I guess, Zayn is doing most of the work really..”

Harry nodded, then he stopped talking, Louis hated the uncomfortable silence

“ how is your bakery?”

Harry nodded “ perfect actually.. we just opened a new branch ..”

Louis really was happy to hear that “ this is amazing..”

Harry nodded smiling “ it is, and I’m thinking to open a new one at Paris"

Louis more shocked “ really.. why?”

Harry “ well I think .. we are moving to Paris..”

Louis frowned “ what?”

Harry nodded “ Shane is actually starting a New career there, and he asked me to move there for couple of years, so why not..”

Louis felt angry, and he didn't know why, he just nodded, and then he felt he had to leave now, so he stood up

“ good luck..”

And he left the kitchen, he moved to his room , he was very angry, or jealous, and he knew he shouldn't feel any really,

The door bell rang, No one ever visited Louis, so that was weird, he walked to the door, and he saw  
Harry standing together with their old friend, Liam. 

Liam saw him and he smiled wide, then he moved to hug him really tightly

“ I'm glad you are okay..”

Louis tried to smile, but he obviously failed, cause now Harry was looking nervous, Harry sat on the couch holding a bag Liam brought him, while Louis was trying to contain his anger, he didn't want to see anyone from his past, how about two, so he was extremely mad. 

Liam “ long time no see, Louis"

Louis said drily “ I was planning to make it forever..”

Liam lost his smile, while Harry smiled widely,  
Liam “ still mean then..”

Harry stood up “ yup.. it's in his blood. anyway, I will go for a shower.. will you behave?”

He looked at Louis, who drew a fake smiley face , Harry headed towards the bathroom. 

Liam was still looking at Louis who was watching over Harry until he entered the bathroom

Liam “ he gained his shape back isn't he..”

Louis looked at Liam , and he gained back the stern face “ I want you to leave and take him with you..”

Liam looked confused, Louis “ I don't need him near me anymore.. I can't stand seeing him, I can't breath Liam..”

Liam took a deep breath, Louis “ you have to understand... you have to.. every time I see his face . I see him struggling.. I see him in blood in the car trapped and I see myself again holding my dead son and try-”

Liam “ shhh shhh.... stop talking.why.. why do you see all this. why are you trapping yourself in this place.”

Louis was trying to breath evenly now, he was trying to control his shaking body,

Liam “ Louis.. it has been four years.”

Louis looked away , Liam “ you need to-”

Louis yelled leaving his seat “ why is he here anyway..”

Liam looking at him “ what do you mean why he is here?”

Louis was looking at Liam “ I don't need him, I don't need his help. now can you take him with you and leave me the hell alone. “

Liam sighed “ God .. you are so selfish.”

He stood up, Louis looked at him angrily,  
Liam “ it's not about you... ok. have you ever think about him. do you know how he suffered? he lost his son too, he lost himself there, how could you do this to him Louis.. how could you possibly think to run away and..”

“ Liam.”

Harry shouted his name standing behind both of them, wearing only his pants, hair still dropping water. 

“ what the hell are you doing..” Harry asked angrily

Liam “ I'm sorry, but he needs to know too, he needs to know how much you suffered, you still suffers Harry, you almost died last week..”

Harry “ God Liam.. shut up..”

Louis was looking at Harry, Harry passing his hand over his face “ I think you should leave..”

Liam looking apologetic “ I'm so sorry Harry. I'm just angry and.. someone needs to wake him up.”

Louis yelled “ oh fuck you.”

Liam to Louis “ look at you.. you overdosed for God sake.. you are not the only one who lost a son.”

And Out of nowhere, Louis jumped over Liam, he took him and trapped him to the wall, Harry tried to move Louis away

Louis was yelling “ don't you ever mention my son again... ever"

Harry was still trying to push Louis away, and he managed, he stood in front of Liam, Harry yelled “ what is wrong with you..”,

Louis was looking furiously “ I don’t need both of you. get out of here..”

Harry yelled again “ I said no... I'm not leaving.” 

then he turned to face Liam, what he told him Louis didn’t really listen, his eyes were focused on Harry's scars upon his chest stretching to his back, it was an ugly scar, was big, Louis knew there would be a scar, but he never saw it before.

Harry then turned back at him, he was talking but Louis was still staring, then he slowly sat on the couch.  
He was looking away from Harry, his mind was racing, He was thinking, lots of whys? why?

Why he wasn’t hurt, why he wasn't scratched? , why he didn't suffer like Harry, why he wasn't in Harry's position, why should Harry pay for his mistake with a lost son , and a long term health condition, why Harry had to live through pain for the rest of his life while him being perfectly healthy, he was out of the accident without a scratch, without a single bruise, while his 4 years old son was dead, and his husband almost followed.


	4. Chapter 4

The door knocked twice, Louis was still sitting on his bed two hours ago, mind was void, he couldn't think clearly and he couldn't erase what he just saw earlier. 

“ are you okay?” Harry's voice came behind the door

Louis couldn't answer that, he was still staring at the space. Trying his best not to collapse. 

The door was then opened, and Harry entered, he slowly sat beside Louis on the bed

“ I'm sorry.. about Liam.”

Louis nodded , Harry sighed “ I don't know what is wrong with him.. I didn't expect this-"

Louis interrupted “ it's okay Harry..”

Harry shook his head “ not okay.. I shouldn’t call him from the start" 

Louis insisted “ it's okay Harry.”

Harry looked at him, “ are you okay though?”

Louis only nodded, he still avoided looking at him,  
Harry “ okay.. you should get ready, we should leave in thirty minutes.”

Louis looked at him “ where?”

Harry “ your appointment.”

Louis nodded, he couldn’t fight anymore, he couldn't fight Harry, not after what he saw

Harry was surprised “ is it okay?”

Louis left his bed, Harry smiled wide “ wow.. what happened to you.? ”

Louis only smiled and then he opened his closest, and put out a clean outfit,

Harry stood up “ okay, I will let you get ready.. I will make some tea, need some?”

Louis nodded, although Louis seemed okay and helpful, Harry didn't like this, he decided to leave and talk to him again later, but the confusion was written on his face

“ Harry..”

“ yes..” he stopped in his spot

Louis was looking at the floor again “ what happened to you?”

Harry confused “ what?”

Louis “ last week"

Harry sighed “ it's okay.”

Louis looked at him, he was too serious “ if you want me to co-operate then you need to be honest with me..”

Harry “ i'm being honest.. it's really nothing.”

Louis “ Liam said you almost died.”

Harry giggled “ you know how is Liam..”

Louis begged at him finally “ Harry please..”

Harry looked at him, and he was shocked, Louis was in tears, Harry sighed and then sat back on the bed, patting on the spot beside him and Louis slowly sat too

“ I got pneumonia..”

Louis bit his lower lip, Harry continued  
“ after visiting Noah, I was not feeling okay, so I went to see Shane at the hospital, he hates me visiting him at his work.. and he has a point, I was infected.. and it turns out a pneumonia with one lung is .. pretty much awful..”

Louis wiped away the tears

Harry “ I'm really okay now, I spent couple of days at the hospital , it was tough, that's why Liam was worried. "then he smiled " I recognize a new part of him , he worries so much" he was trying to lighten the  
mood

Louis again nodded without uttering a single word, Harry patted his knee “ it happens Louis.. it was my fault really I was careless" then he stood up leaving the room "I will be waiting outside" 

Louis knew that was his way to say it was not your fault, ever since the accident and Harry was trying to make him believe that, but it was his fault, Louis was the reason Harry suffered anyway.  
****

Harry spent two hours waiting for Louis outside in his shrink office. 

He busied himself with reading the magazines on the front table, playing some stupid games on his iPhone. Watching some news on the TV. 

then his phone rang, the ID showed Shane, he knew he hadn't talked to him a lot recently, and he knew Shane must was angry.

“ good morning there.” Harry started cheerfully

“ good afternoon Harry.. how are you? .”

Harry knew the tune, he was angry “ I'm okay , how is the work?”

Shane didn't talk, “ Shane?” Harry asked,! 

“ where are you Harry?"

Harry sighed, okay they were going to fight now “ I'm with Louis, he has a session with his therapist.”

“ oh fuck.. now you are taking him to his sessions too, I thought babysitting was enough.”

Harry sighed “ Shane , stop this tune..”

“ what tune Harry, what are you doing?   
”  
Harry tried to be calm “ I'm trying to help an old friend..”

“ old friend, really?” he said sarcastically

Harry frowned “ what are you trying to say?”

Shane angrily “ you know exactly what I'm trying to say..”

“ Shane..”

“ we will talk later, I have to go ..”and he hanged up

Harry put the phone down, he wasn't angry at Shane, but he felt Shane didn't understand him.   
Harry felt he had to do this, he had to help Louis to get over this, he was doing this for his son. 

The door was opened and Louis went out alongside his shrink,. 

Louis was faking a big smile on his face, “ Harry , Dr Albert insists to meet you..”

Harry walked forwards them reaching his hand to handshake his shrink with a genuine smile on his face. 

Louis was watching, Harry was truly trying to help, he was devoting in his work, Ready to do anything to help Louis, typical Harry, and somehow Louis was afraid to get used to his existence. 

“ pleasure to meet you Harry finally.”

Harry was smiling “ pleasure is mine sir.”

The doctor “ I'm glad you are trying to help here”

Harry looked at Louis “ he is a.. an old good friend.”  
Louis smiled or tried to

The doctor “ yea, he told me you've known each other since high school.”

Harry nodded “ yea.. like I said, very old friend.”

“ thanks for coming..” then he looked at Louis “ see you soon Louis..”

Louis nodded but still silently, and then they moved outside. 

On the way to the car, Louis walked exactly by Harry, he was slower but Louis didn't mind, Harry knew what louis was trying to do, and he didn’t comment, maybe Louis was finally accepting him. 

At the car, Harry was driving “ how was the session?”

Louis shrugged “ it was okay..”

Harry “ he seems nice.”

Louis sighed “ he is an idiot.. everyone seems nice to you..”

Harry laughed “ this is not true.”

Louis smiled too “ it is.. you even saw criminals in my office nice.”

Harry objecting “ hay... everyone deserves a second chance.you as a lawyer must see that.”

Louis was looking at the side window “ yeah.. whatever..”

Harry “ I had an idea while you were in there.”

Louis looked at him, Harry “ let's have dinner .”

Louis narrowed his brows“ now? It's still early.”

Harry nodding “ okay, let’s start with appetizers, and we will order the main dish whenever you want.”

Louis wondering “ are you even hungry?”

Harry stopped his car “ of course I'm.. come on"

Then he got off the car, Louis didn't move, he was still looking at Harry, then Harry looked at him through the windshield, Louis finally had to follow, Harry seemed excited and louis felt he owned him anyway.

Once they were inside, Harry had to use the bathroom, he left Louis to choose where he wanted to sit, Louis moved slowly and he let the waiter guide him, he chose a table beside the glass window , Harry's favourite, he always loved to watch people and watched the street, he always said it opened his appetite, Louis never understood why

Louis's phone went off , it was Zayn 

“ hello ..” Louis answered smiling

“ what a piece of shit friend you are..” Zayn pretended to he angry

Louis laughed “ I'm fine thank you.”

Zayn “ I know you are fine, I'm calling Harry every hour since you refuse to answer me.”

Louis “ I didn't want to interrupt your happiness.”

Zayn “ really?”

Louis was laughing “ I’ve been following you on Instagram.. I know you were having a good time.”

“ I was worried about you.”

Louis chuckled “ yeah I've noticed.”

“ fuck you Tomlinson” Louis laughed loudly, Zayn “ anyway.. I'm coming tomorrow.”

Louis nodded, but didn't talk, he was coming tomorrow, which meant Harry was leaving tomorrow. 

“ are you there? Where are you anyway.”

Louis sighed “ I'm at some restaurant"

Zayn “ umhee..”

“ what?”

“ nothing man..”, Louis knew what Zayn had to say, and Zayn couldn't keep it inside for long,l  
“ it took me four fucking years to convince you to have dinner outside your creepy place , and you always said no, and it took Harry two days only.. I think he still has his charming spells on you.”

Louis tried to fake his anger “ shut up.”

Zayn was laughing “ see you tomorrow.”

And then they both hanged up, Louis took a deep breath, and fuck, Zayn was right, Louis didn't leave his place for any sorts of fun, but he couldn't say no to Harry, and that was scary. 

Louis was starting to get worried, it took Harry so long, he decided to look for him, he didn't want to think of any bad ideas. 

“ where are you going?”

Said Harry approaching the table, Louis took a relaxed breath “ looking for you actually.. what took you so long?”

Harry sat down “ I'm okay" he wasn't

Louis sat back still looking at him, Harry took the menu and opened it,

Louis “ er.. Zayn called me” Louis started after about three minutes of awkward silence

Harry looked at him “ yup.. he called me earlier”

Louis “ he is coming tomorrow.”

Harry nodded looking back at the menu “ I remember the deal Louis, this is our last dinner together.”

Louis was watching him, Harry was angry, Louis “ something happened at the bathroom, what took you so long?”

Harry didn't look up, Louis “ we can leave if.-”

Harry hastily looked at him, Louis shrugged “ you are upset.”

Harry sighed “ I'm sorry.. I was on the phone with Shane.”

Louis nodded waiting for more, Harry “ I'm sorry. let's order anything..”

He waved for a waiter, and he ordered some appetizers, actually he ordered everything Louis's used to love, and Louis let him, he just waited till he finish. 

Once Harry finished he rested his back on the chair, but he was still avoiding looking at Louis

Harry was upset, Louis knew, he actually still remembered every facial expressions Harry could ever give, and right now he was angry and he was trying to hide it. 

Louis was still looking at him, and he could see Harry's abstraction, but he also could read him very well, so he would never ask directly

“ the girls say hi..” Louis started

Harry looked at him smiled widely, “ they do.. oh I miss them so much",

Louis remembered how much he loved his smile, Louis smiled at him nodding

“ I’ve met Lottie like two years ago.. oh God.. I'm following them on instgram though, they've grown beautifully"

Louis knew that peice of info, he had been seeing his likes and comments all the time, Harry never lost contact with the girls, he just couldn't see them anymore since they still in Doncaster, and Harry had nothing to do with this place anymore after the divorce. 

Louis “ yeah, I had to call them, Niall was stupid enough to call them when I didn't answer"

Harry nodded still smiling, but slowly his smile faded away and looked away again

Louis looked at him , “ Harry .. tell me"

Harry looked back “ I'm sorry Louis, really, I didn't plan to be like this actually, I will try harder..”

Louis shook his head “ I don't need you to try harder, I need you to tell me what's wrong.  
”

Harry took a deep breath “ I'm okay really..”

Louis smiled “ Harry you know you are a terrible liar, right.”

Harry laughed “ God, you always got me..”

Louis “ tell me I might can help..”

Harry smiled but also didn't talk, Louis “ I know it's about Shane..”

Harry looked at him , Louis “ I know I'm right, so what? does he hate you being with me? .”

Harry looked surprised, then “ no.. he is..” he was trying to find a decent lie

Louis interrupted nodding “ he is..”

Harry sighed, Louis “ he's got a point Harry, I mean if you are my boyfriend, I would hate seeing you babysitting your ex..”

Harry “ I'm not babysitting, and I'm not his boyfriend.”

Louis raised a brow “ you aren't.”

Harry shook his head “ he doesn't love to call us this.”

Louis was getting angry “ so what does he like to call this?”,

Harry shrugged, Louis understood, and no, Shane couldn’t treat Harry this way, Harry deserved much more. 

Harry “ he just find it hard to.. you know .. explain his sexuality , his position won't let him, he is a decent doctor.”

Louis got angry now “ what the hell Harry, what position are you talking about, do you hear yourself.? ”

Harry sighed “ he is a good man, really, he treats me in a really good way"

Good way??!!

“ he is taking a good care of me.”

Louis became furious now “ what happened to you?”

Harry “ calm down Louis, it's not like that..”

Louis “ like what? He is fucking using you.”

Harry “ he is not, really, there is nothing between us anyway..”

Louis “ Harry, you sleep with him..”

Harry “ not all the time Louis, we are not living together anyway.. we are just friends.”

Louis finished “ with benefits. God Harry why are you doing this to yourself? .”,

Harry stopped talking, Louis “ I thought you know better, it has been what three years and you are letting him treat you this way.fuck"

Harry “ he takes care of me..”

Louis “ you are not a burden, if he is not treating you good , then how? How he takes care of you", Harry “ he looks after me.”

Louis “ you were his patient one day Harry, it's his job”

Harry remained silent looking at his lap, Louis was hard, and now he regreted it, but still, it wasHarry, no one could treat Harry badly, never.

Louis sighed “ Harry, I'm sorry.. I didn't mean this really, I just.. " he sighed trying to think cleary " ok do you love him?”

Harry hastily raised his head looking at Louis, eyes wide opened, mouth opened, he looked surprised, then the waiter showed putting plates on the table, Harry looked back at his lap, closing his mouth. 

The rest of the dinner, they talked about everything except Shane, they talked about Louis's office, and the bakery, about Gemma and Harry's mum, they talked ,they laughed, but both of them had a bad feeling in the chest, unspoken words, Louis missed Harry so much, Harry also missed Louis, and they both couldn't explain their feelings. 

After the dinner, Louis and Harry headed towards the car, Harry started the car then he sighed  
“ I have to bring some stuff from home, Liam nearly forgot everything I asked him to get..”

Louis nodded “ okay..”

Harry “ I will drive you home, then get back to bring my stuff..”

Louis suddenly “ shit Harry they haven’t fixed the lift yet..”

Harry looked at him confused, Louis “ I can't let you do this again..”

Harry smiled “ it's okay.. I was stupid last time, I went fast.”

Louis shook his head “ no Harry , you can't .”

Harry interrupted and looked at Louis seriously “ Louis, trust me, I will take it step by step , okay..”

Louis stopped talking , Harry “ trust me I know what I'm doing okay”

LOUIS couldn’t insist, if he insistd Harry would leave and he felt he still needed him

Louis sighed “ okay, but I will come with you”

Harry was driving, but he looked at Louis wanting to say something

Louis “ what?!"

Harry shrugged but said nothing, then he continued driving. 

All the way Harry said nothing, Louis felt there was something Harry needed to say, when Louis focused on the road, he started to feel unease in his cheat

Louis says “ Harry.. where are we going..”

Harry sighed, then he stopped the car at the side of the road, he then looked at Louis “ Louis, I'm still in the house.”

Louis was trying to understand “ what house?”

Harry “ our house..”, Louis slowly nodded, and no, he could not handle this , he couldn't go back

“ is this okay with you, I know I should have asked before, but I do-...”

“ it's okay..” Louis surprised himself 

Harry “ are you sure..”

Louis “ just go..”

Harry obeyed silently, ten minutes later, when Harry parked the car, he looked at Louis again, then he went off the car, Louis followed, he wanted to overcome his fear, he didn't know what he was trying to prove, but he just did. 

Harry opened the door, and entered, then he looked at Louis “ you can wait in the car.. I won't be late.”

Louis forced a smile “ I'm okay. Go"

But he wasn't, once he put a foot in the house, his heart went crazy, butterflies in his stomach  
Harry moved fast, maybe faster than he should, he didn't need to tense Louis. 

Louis slowly walked inside the house, his heart was racing every time his eyes sit on anything, the open kitchen, the dinning table, the TV room.   
Harry kept everything as it was, kept the magnetic letters on the fridge, there were some photos too but Louis refused to get closer to have a better look, he moved to the living room which was in front, and there were a lot of photos too by the TV, and Louis couldn’t help, he got closer from a specific one, the three of them were smiling at the camera, Harry was carrying Noah, he was only three at this one, Louis stared at his big blue eyes smiling at the camera, his beautiful dimples that he inherited from Harry , his curly brown Hair, and God so much memories, so much pain, Then he heard a thud

Louis became alerted, he put the photograph back  
“ Harry?” he called

No answer

Shit

Louis moved inside towards the bed room, the three bed rooms were beside each other, one for them, one for Noah, another for maybe a baby girl. 

When Louis got closer, he saw Noah's bedroom door was opened, and when he looked he saw  
Harry sitting on the ground inside. 

He rushed towards him and sat beside him “ are you okay?”

Harry was smiling wide “ I'm okay.. sorry I was moving fast, I'm sorry"

Louis helped him to sit on the bed “ what happened?”

Harry was still smiling." I forgot to breath.. got dizzy.. sorry"

Louis was still feeling worried “ what can I do?”

Harry shook his head “ nothing I'm fine.I was just bringing those.. I almost forget them.” he pointed at his oxygen tank, it was a small tank connected with an oxygen nasal cannula, and it was lying on the floor.

Harry “ I've never slept outside the house.. so I almost forget it..”

Louis nodded, then he moved and lift it up from the ground, he looked at it, and it hurt Harry had to use it before sleeping, Harry couldn't sleep without it. 

“ I don't have to use it all the time..” Harry must saw the pain in Louis's eyes

Louis looked at him trying to smile, Harry “ but I need it right now..” and he tried to take a full breath. 

Louis gave the tank to Harry, and Harry fixed immediately the cannula under his nose, and started to take deep breaths after turning on the oxygen supply,  
Louis was watching, and when Harry took a deep breath, Louis realized he wasn't breathing himself, he stayed by Harry and when Harry started to feel normal again, Louis smiled “ feeling better?”

Harry nodded “ I'm sorry..”

Louis shook his head “ stop..”

Harry was smiling too, breathing again, Louis looked around him, he noticed that lots of Harry's stuff were in the room

“ Harry.. do you sleep here?”

Harry smiled and then shrugged, Louis “ why?”

Harry sighed “ I .. don't know.. I mean.. I tried to sleep at our bed.. but I couldn't, then one day I came here and finally I could sleep, sometimes he visits me in my dreams.”

Louis gasped , then Harry put his hand on his knee “ I know how it hurts to get in here suddenly.. but it's really okay Lou.”

Louis nodded, face was still pale “ I will make you some tea..”  
Harry nodded “ I will follow..”

And Louis left almost running and trembling on his feet, but he needed to breathe, he needed to concentrate, dreaming of his son? Louis had dreams too, he saw him a lot, dead in his hand, he wished he could have half of the peace that Harry hasd, he only wished.

Ten minutes later, Harry showed at the kitchen “ where is the tea Lou?”

Louis made the tea, but he left it on the table, and he froze in front of the fridge, watching every photo there, every happy memory they had together, Louis felt like these memories that were locked in his mind, were slowly running away to the surface so they could breathe again, happy memories not that awful one Louis keot remembering. 

Louis looked at Harry , then he gained his focus again  
“ sorry Hazza I was caught in the memories..” then he looked back at the photos “ I guess..”

Harry walked and stood beside him watching the photos with a big smile “ happy memories Lou..”

Louis was smiling at the photos , “ yeah.. happy..”,

Harry then sat on the kitchen table “ Louis..”

Louis looked at him “ I'm ready..”

Louis nodded “ what about the tea?”

Harry holding a cup “ iced tea you mean..” he said smiling

Louis “ okay.. let's go..”

Did he really want to go, did he really want to leave this house. 

Harry walked behind him, then he stopped again leaning on the wall, Louis looked at him “ what?”

Harry sighed “ I don't know..”

Louis “ do you need to sit?”

Harry nodded, Louis helped him again, and they sat on the couch in front the TV

Harry “ it doesn't happen a lot.. but when it happens.. I really can barely move.”

Louis frowned “ how bad can it gets?”

Harry trying to breath “ I need that bag Louis .”

He pointed at the bag beside the door, Louis ran to get it, and Harry opened it putting out his inhaler, and he took one puff, Louis saw Harry using his inhaler before, Harry has asthma since childhood, but asthma and one lung, it was awful. 

Louis “ is it your asthma?”

Harry nodded “ I guess..”

Louis “ okay.. can you sit well.”

Louis put some cushion behind Harry, and Harry slowly rested his back. 

“ you will be okay, Love?” Louis asked

Harry nodded “ it just takes minutes. it's not an attack..”

Louis nodded, and sat beside him, Harry “ I'm really so-.”

Louis was smiling “ don't fucking apologize Harry.” 

Harry kept his mouth shut then, and focused on breathing.

Louis rested his back too, and then “ you changed the carpet?”

Harry was looking at the carpet nodding “ oh yeah.. I did.. it was white and I guess Liam dropped some red sauce on it.”

Louis was still looking at the new carpet “but I loved it Harry.”

Harry laughed “ I know.. it's still in the garage though.”

Louis then looked at Harry “ how can you do this?”

Harry raising one brow, Louis “ staying here?.”

Harry shrugged and then looked around “ I couldn't leave Louis. this place has my memories.every happy and sad one... I love here, I love my memories. I just can't"

Louis nodded, and he understood, Harry was afraid, he was afraid if he left he would forget his son, that was why he trapped himself in memories, that was how Louis wanted to explain it to himself

Harry “ okay, I'm ready..”

Louis shook his head “ forget it.”

Harry looked at him surprised, Louis sighed “ Harry, you know I didn't try to kill myself, right?” Harry nodded

Louis “ I will be okay. besides Zayn and Gigi are coming early morning, I know he will come directly to my place not his..”

Harry was still nodding and looking at Louis, Louis smiled at him, he remembered that wide green eyes, they were the same, the same eyes Louis falled in love with long time ago. and then stood up

“ stay.” Harry said

Louis looked at him again, Harry “ for tonight, since we wont meet again, stay.”

Louis “ Harry.”

“ please.. let's just watch a movie or anything. please.. you know what.?”

Then he stood up slowly, and looked at the couch he smiled “ we can finally turn it into bed.”

And Louis laughed. 

When they bought that couch, Louis insisted to buy this one specifically, he wanted a couch that turns into a bed, Harry disapproved firstly, but he couldn't say no to him, and now it was the first time they use it. 

Louis helped Harry setting it up, and then he made them some hot tea, and hot chocolate for Harry, he still remembered how to take care of sick Harry, there were so many preparations, and hot chocolate was one and most Important one.

*******

They slept together on the couch, Louis didn't know how or when, but when he opened his eyes, he heard a shout, he couldn’t understand at the start, then he heard 

“ just wait.” 

It was Harry's voice coming from distance, Louis sat well, and looked beside him, no Harry, he then looked around, the door was opened, and he heard another loud voice. 

“ I thought I can trust you..”

Louis found himself raising up, and heading directly towards the voices, he was in front of the door, when he saw Harry standing with someone at the house entrance. Shane. 

of course he remembered him, Shane was Harry's first doctor after the accident. 

Shane looked angry, he was yelling at Harry, and Harry looked angry too

“ will you just listen to me..”

Shane was opening his car door “ what? What will you say? How will you lie this time" he actually was yelling,  
Harry never lied. 

“ I'm not lying, let me explain..” harry was trying block his way yo the car 

Shane still yelling “ explain what? How will you fake this..”

Harry tried to touch his hand to talk, but Shane pushed him, he actually did, and no, Louis couldn't let this happen, he was about to interfere when he remembered, he just couldn't.   
So he stood there watching. 

Shane got inside his car and drove away, Harry was still looking at the car moving

Louis tried to hide himself, he didn't want to show Harry that he saw that, Harry headed towards the house again , but when he was getting closer, Louis heard something, wheezing. 

Harry rushed inside, he didn't even notice Louis, he ran towards the table beside the couch, and he grabbed his inhaler, Louis was right behind him, Harry tried to have a puff, but no, it wasn't working, he tried again, and again no,. 

Harry fell on his knee, clutching his chest, and Louis became frantic , the wheezing sound was getting louder, Louis sat beside him

“ what's wrong..”

Harry lift his inhaler “ em-pty.”

Shit

“ shit.. do you have an extra?”

Harry nodded, wheezing, struggling

“ where..”

Harry trying “ nigh.. stand"

Louis ran towards Noah room, he opened the drawer, he found one, and he took it running back, he knew the situation, he lived it before, taking care with Harry's asthma wasn't actually a new thing for him. 

When he turned back, Harry was on the floor, his back leaning on the wall, struggling with his rapid, rigid , cut breaths, wheezing sounds were awful, the sound Louis hated the most and was terrified by. 

Louis sat by Harry opened the mouth piece and he put it in Harry's mouth, but Harry didn't take a breath, Harry was looking at him, eyes blank

“ breath, baby.. come on..” Louis said panicking 

But Harry was turning blue now, Louis almost crying  
“ what's wrong.. what can I do?”

Harry was closing his eyes, Louis tried to tap on his cheek to wake him up, but no, Harry's eyes were closed, he lost his conscious.


	5. Chapter 5

“ so how is he?” Zayn asked Louis

Louis and Zayn were waiting outside Harry's room at the hospital

“ he is still sleeping, they say it's a normal situation in his case, I just freaked out, there was no need for hospitals”

Louis says in a sarcastic way, he was angry, but he was trying to pretend not

“ it's okay, you didn't know..”

“ it's a normal situation Zayn, this.. is a normal situation for him !!” he snapped 

Zayn sighed “ calm down Lou..”

Louis had to calm down, because he had nothing to do and he knew that

Zayn “ did you call Shane?”

Louis shook his head, because he simply couldn't lie, he did call him, but Shane was tough, he told him he was busy and Louis should relax harry would gain his conscious eventually, Louis couldn't believe what he heard, he hanged up and called the ambulance immediately

Zayn “ I think he should call him man, he is his boyfriend. “

“ he is not"

Zayn looked confused at Louis ready to talk but he was cut by Harry's door opened and a nurse came out of it, smiling

“ he is awake.. he is asking for you"

They both nodded, then she excused,  
Zayn “ you go first, I need to make a phone call..”.

Louis didn't talk, he just moved and entered the room, Harry was lying on the bed, in a sitting angel, nasal cannula on his nostrils, looking exhausted a little bit, when he saw Louis he smiled widely, Louis also was smiling too , he sat by him on the bed “ are you okay , Love?”

Harry “ I'm sorry..”

“ harry..”

“ I scared you and I'm sorry"

Louis “ you are okay and that is the point..”

Harry sighed “ I should have told you about how severe the attacks became..”

Louis “ you should, but it's okay.. the doctor says you are fine, you can leave tomorrow morning"

Harry confused “ what time is it?”

Louis smiled “ you slept for long, it's almost midnight..”,  
Harry shocked, Louis nodded “ yeah, you missed the whole day”

Harry tried to smile , but he didn't speak

Louis “'Zayn is outside.. he wants to see you, and Liam came while you were sleeping, but he had to leave"

Harry looked at him “ you stayed..”

Louis nodded “ I stayed..”

Harry then looked down, he was thinking , Louis “ what is in your mind?”

Harry shrugged , then “ did Shane come?”

Louis got confused at the start, “ he .. er.. I think he doesn’t know yet..”

Harry looked at him for a long seconds, then he looked down at his lap again, Louis was lying

Louis “ shall I let him in?” Louis was trying to change the topic

Harry didn't answer, Louis was going to get Zayn, but Harry said “ I can't believe he is doing this again"

Louis turned back, he felt Harry needed to talk, Louis asked “ he did this before? Like leaving you here at the hospital?”

Harry shrugged “ it happens, he has a lot of work"

Louis didn't want to get angry, he just kept it inside him, I mean who was he to talk, he did it before , didn't he?

He only nodded, Harry sighed “ okay, let him in..”

Louis nodded, he felt bad, he felt sad, and helpless,  
When Zayn entered, Harry was different, he acted normally, like he wasn't about to cry few minutes ago, Louis knew Harry was doing a lot of work to hide his pain, and if Zayn believed him, Louis would never do. 

It was after midnight, when the door knocked twice, Harry and Louis were talking about the movies they missed seeing together. 

in the past they used to watch all the movies at the theatre together, but after the accident Louis stopped seeing any, and that was like a shock to Harry

When the door was opened, Shane appeared, but when he saw Louis sitting by Harry on the bed, his features changed, annoyed he felt. 

Harry looked at him forcing a smile “ you came..”

Shane looked at Harry, he didn't smile “ of course I came"

Harry nodded “ where have you been?”

Shane getting closer “ work.. how do you feel?”

He held Harry's chart, and he read what was written, Harry didn't answer his question, he looked at his lap instead, and Louis couldn't understand what was happening,

Shane put the chart back “ you are ok, there was no need for hospital today..”

Harry nodded, Shane “ why did you come, you know better than that..”

Harry shrugged “ I was unconscious really..”

And Louis tried his best to not interfere, he held his anger inside,

Shane “ ok let's go.."

Harry looked at him shocked “ I will leave tomorrow..”

Shane “ i'm a doctor I know what I'm doing..”

Harry almost whispering “ my chest hurts..”

And Louis looked at him, Harry didn't say that before,  
Shane sarcastically “ of course it does, you had an asthma, it's not like your first, you have them twice a month Harry..”

“ why are you mad at me..”

Shane was angry now “ don't you dare ask me this.”

“ why?”

“ it's not the good time Harry..” then he looked at Louis

“ why? Are you afraid to talk in front of him..” Harry asked

Shane almost yelled “ don't start with me Styles.”

Harry shrugged “ I'm not actually starting anything, I don't understand you, that's all.. where have you been, I know they called you first thing when I admitted here.”

Shane “ I said work, I actually work Harry.”

Harry sighed “ why are you here?”

Shane “ oh so now you don't need me, why? You think he is back in your life.”

Louis couldn't take it, he stood on the ground ready to leave

Shane still talking “ you think he will bear you, do you think he can stand what you living through.”

Harry sighed “ shut up.”

Shane angry “ why? He can't , and you know that, he didn't before, he left you Harry when you were still struggling to stay alive, do you think he will stay now when you suffering this way. Harry every month you have an issue with your health, who can bear that,? ”

And now Louis lost it, was he humiliating Harry because of his condition

Louis almost yelled “ what is wrong with you..”

Shane looked at Louis “ oh, you can talk now.”

Louis “ how dare you talk to him like this?”

Shane surprised “ wow.. I'm really impressed, you are defending him, you? after divorcing him three month of a terrible accident that took his son away”

Louis was getting furious now “ you can't talk to him like that, like when he is in this case..”

Shane “ oh you think this is an issue, wait to see him struggling for days unable to move from his bed.. where you have to-"

Harry yelled “ shut up..”

Shane looked at Harry “ at least I miss one or two times of you rushing to the hospital.. where he was?”

Then he looked at Louis again “ where were you? Why are you here now? What do you want from him? .”

Harry “ get out.”

Shane looked at him eyes turning red of anger “ what?”

Harry “ just get out, leave me..”

Shane “ if I leave Harry now, I will never come back.”

Harry was shocked, then he swallowed his tears “ then leave, I don't need you anymore.”

Shane chuckled sarcastically “ you think you don't need me, you can't survive without me.”

Harry trying to control his voice “ I can.. I can do it all alone .”

Shane “ no one-"

Louis yelled now " get out.. you heard him, get the fuck out of here or I will call security.”

Shane laughing at him “ oh God, do you believe yourself, do you think you are making up for him, cause you are just here for today you will compensate his pain? You are running first thing in the morning, I know you.”

Louis found himself jumping over him, pushing him outside the room, and once they were outside,  
Shane pushed him

“ you can't repay him Louis, you can't make his pain goes away, you destroyed him you took his son away.. don't make him trick you by this he is devastated, and I stayed to fix him, to put pieces together so he can be a whole again, but he is broken and he will always be broken because of you., you are not helping here you are making him clinging to you, and you know you will run, and he will suffer again...” 

The security showed and they was going to hold him still but he raised his hands up

“ I'm done.. I'm leaving..”

The he raised his voice “, I'm leaving Harry..”

He looked at Louis who was sitting at the chair in front of the room , he said  
“ you should know why are you here, because he is not gonna stand another loss., he won't stand loosing you again..”

Then he left, and Louis stayed, he didn’t move from his chair, he was repeating everything was said in his mind over and over again, that was right he destroyed Harry, and if he stayed he will destroy him more, and he can't do this to him, cause all if this was a bid fat mistake and Louis will have to pay for it. 

Louis didn't see Harry again that night, he left to his home, he didn't say goodbye, and he won't, he will disappear again, he will go but this time he will never come back again, and he has to do this now before he changes his mind,

He put his clothes in a bag, and he really didn't plan where to go, all he knew is he must go and he must go now

His bag in his hand, his key in his other hand, and he opened his flat door, but Harry was standing there,  
Louis was shocked, Harry was crying looking at him  
“ you left..”

Louis noticed that he can barely stand, “ God Harry what did you do, come here.. did they leave you?"

Harry didn't move “ you left me again"

Louis didn't know how to answer, Harry was crying, he was breathless, and he was afraid of what might comes next

Louis helped him to enter, but Harry stood inside the flat not moving while Louis was closing the door, Harry saw the bag

“ you are leaving again?”

Louis turned to face him, he wasn't ready for this, he doesn't even know what to say

“ why?” Harry cried, “ you keep leaving every time I need you..”

Louis looked at him and didn't talk, Harry yelled  
“ why?”

Louis sighed “ Harry I..”

“ I keep losing you, and I don't want this, I tried I swear I tried..” he cried again, “ why do you hate me? What did I do?”

Louis whispered “ I don't hate you..”

Harry crying louder “ then why are you leaving now?, I mean last time I could hardly understand it, no, no"  
He tried to wipe his tears away, but they kept falling “ I really didn't understand, cause I was at the same boat with you, I lost him too..”

Louis “ Harry..”

“ I wake up , and I found my son dead, and you are vanished,.. I didn't say goodbye to him, I didn't kiss him goodbye, you buried him before I can...”

Louis was crying now

“ I was barely surviving, and next thing you are sending me the divorce paper, I couldn't even talk to you because I wasn't suppose to talk, how could you do this to me"

Louis looked at the floor. HARRY “ just tell me why so I can find peace again.. you left me without a warning and you are doing it again.. and I don't understand why"

Louis didn't answer him, Harry “ I miss him too, I miss him loads, I still sleep in his bed pretending that I still smell him, sometimes I hear his voice and his laughter, and sometimes I hear you too.. then  
I wake up in the cruel reality that I lost my son, and my husband refuses to see me", Then yelled “ give me one good reason so I can let go” 

but Louis remain silent, Harry “ you owe me, and don't you say it was your fault..”,, “ it was..”

Harry crying “ it wasn't Louis.. God, it wasn't, if I was driving it will be the same results...”

“ but you weren't.. I was driving.. and I was the only one who came out of it unscratched"

Harry sighed wiping his tears away “ you saved my life..”

Louis looked at him, Harry nodded “ you were unscratched so you can save my life.”

Louis crying “ I lost my son..”

“ we lost him..”

“ I saw him dying..”

And that was it, Louis sobbed, and Harry was watching, all he knew that his son died on the scene, “ you said-“

“ I lied..” he cried harder “ he died in my hand.. he held my finger with his tiny hand before he died.. he died in my hands Harry and you were dying there.. bleeding and barley breathing, and I couldn't save any of you..”

“ you saved me..”

Louis shook his head “ I chose my son..” 

Harry looking at him crying, Louis nodded “ I chose my son, I let you struggling to breath and I took my son, and I tried to save him.. I know he was dying but I stayed by his side.. I couldn't leave him alone, I knew you were dying and I was ready to lose you but not my son..” he sobbed harder

Harry controlling his quivering chin “ I would do the same.”

Louis shook his head whispering “ no..” 

Because no, Harry will try to save them both, Harry will do everything to save him

Harry nodding “ I will choose my son too..”

Louis shook his head yelling “ no you will not leave me there, you will never leave me there.. I left you to die Harry, I let you bleed till death..”

Harry getting closer “ but I'm not dead..”

Louis crying “ but he died.. I buried our son Harry..” then he looked at his hands “ with my hands..”

Harry nodded, holding Louis's hand, Louis looked at him “ fathers are not supposed to bury their sons”,  
Harry nodding, Louis “ and you weren't there ... and I can't forgive myself for leaving you.”

Harry sighed “ I forgive you.”

Louis shook his head “ how? Look at you Harry.. look what I have done to you.”,

Harry shook his head “ you saved my life Louis.. you saved me.. I know I come second.. but every father would choose his son.. it's okay.. but you saved me.. you called the help and you stayed..”

“ you will always struggle..”

Harry nodding “ I'm okay with this.. as long as we are together, don't make me lose everything, please..”

Louis “ I can't, I can't ..” then he left Harry's hand, and moved away from him

Harry looked at him again “ please, don't leave me again..”

Louis sighed , closing his eyes “ I can't stay with you Harry, I can’t breath when you are around.. I just can't"

Harry wiped his tears away “ oh God.. you are really leaving..”

“ I'm sorry..”

“ don't"

“ I can't..”

Harry sighed " I need you.."

Louis shook his head " I will only hurt you" 

Harry " let me help you, let us help each other.."

Louis " I will make it worse"

Harry still trying " together we will make it.."

Louis shook his head " I won't stay Harry.. you need to leave" 

Llouis moved and opened his flat door, Harry was still looking at him

" please.." Harry begged crying,

But Louis looked away

Harry nodded, and then he walked towards Louis, and he hugged him, and kissed his forehead, Louis let the tears fall, he hated to do this to Harry again, but right now, he just can't stay, he won't help Harry, he will hurt him and he will make him feel miserable, Harry doesn’t deserve this, and Louis doesn't deserve Harry, he feels he doesn't deserve happiness again


	6. Chapter 6

Louis's phone was ringing beside him, he was lying on the bed his laptop opened in front of him, The ID showed Zayn

Louis answered looking at the laptop  
“ still working on it..”

Zayn sighed “ hi Louis..”, his voice was different, like sad different, something was wrong

“ what happened?”

“ it's Niall.. his father passed away..”

Louis closed his eyes sadly “ oh God.. when?”

“ last night.. . he called me ,the funeral is tomorrow.. so. will you be there?”

Louis frowned “ of course I’ll be there.. shit.. how is he?”

“ he was Sick, they were expecting this.. so I think he understands.”

Louis nodded, and of course not, no one ever understands such a thing at the start “ okay.. okay..”

“ ok I will book the tickets”

“ okay.. call me"

Louis put the phone beside him, and he closed his laptop, he couldn't focus anyway again

He left his bed and moved outside, it wasn't his flat, he left to Doncaster , he was living with his sisters now, not permanently, he would come back again someday, but he still didn't know when. 

Louis wanted to finish his business in London, leave the office, and turn back to Doncaster, but when Zayn knew, he convinced him not to leave the office , he would let him stay in Doncaster for some time, and he would email him the work, Louis couldn't say no, he appreciated Zayn's help, Zayn was still believing that one day Louis would turn back, he still believed in him, that was exactly why Louis loved Zayn.

Louis moved to the kitchen where Lottie were there on the phone, when she saw him she hanged up, he looked pale and she got worried, he sat on the table beside her

“ what's wrong?” Lottie asked,

Louis looked at her “ Niall's father died..”

Lottie frowned “ oh.. I'm so sorry..how did you know?”

“ Zayn just called me..”

“ that's a bad news, was he sick?”

“ Zayn says so, I nearly lost contact with Naill..”

“ will you go?”

Louis looked at her “ to Ireland?.. I should..”

“ but?”

Louis shrugged “ nothing , I know I should..”

Lottie looked at him “ you think he will be there ?”,

he just sighed “ he will be there..”

Of course Harry would be there, long time ago, these five never seperated actually, they were best friends one day, so Harry will be there

Lottie nodded “ is this okay with you?”

He shook his head “ and I don't think it will be okay with him too.”

Lottie sighed “ tell me what happened Lou, I mean I love you staying with us.. it's the best thing ever happened, but you ? staying here? What is the real reason?”

Louis looked at her, then he shook his head, he could not talk, he wanted to, but he couldn't make the right words, he stopped thinking about him, he locked him again in his place in the heart, and threw the key away, like what he did with his son, those two people were the most important in his life, they would always be, and he wouldn't let himself hurt anyone, and now he couldn’t hurt Harry, so staying so far away is the best way.

Next day Zayn, Louis, and Gigi, the three of them flew to Ireland , Gigi booked them in a hotel next to Niall's place, Louis loved this hotel , he remembered staying at it before with Harry, when Niall's brother was getting married, it was such a great time, they were still young, not married yet, no kids , no Noah.

Zayn and Gigi were waiting for Louis at the lobby, Louis ate something bad and his stomach was causing him troubles, so at the last minute he had to use the bathroom, and there were everything changed.

Louis was leaving his stall , when he heard someone entering the bathroom

“ yes baby I miss you too"

Louis thought he heard that voice before

“ you know why I had to come, I have to convince him that I care.... yes I know I know we have plans but if I didn't go with him he will have his doubts again"

Louis was leaving when he heard .

“ you know Harry, and I still need his money honey .”

Louis froze , okay now he knew the voice, that was Shane

“ yes I'm almost done. couple of months more, the hospital is almost finished.. then I will kiss him goodbye.. if he was still alive anyway.”

What the hell was he talking about

He laughed “ he still think I'm gonna come out right after the opening, he thinks I will propose , I’m not even gay..” he laughed again. 

Louis was losing his mind

“ I will take all his money baby don't worry, I'm working on it.. trust me.. he doesn't need it anyway.. he is dying"

And Louis's heart really stopped beating

“ no don’t worry he believes in me , I'm the only one who still there for him and he is scared to death to lose me too, I mean what his ex did to him really shook him from inside , he lost his confidence" 

“ enough talking about him, I miss you so much.. what if you come..”

Then Louis heard water running in the sink

“ don't bother about him I will tell him anything he already thinks you are my sister .. I will handle  
it..”

He laughed again “ yeah he is kind and idiot, and the world doesn't need people like him. he is too much for this world.. he loves his son and misses him I will do him a favour really ... and don’t worry with his health conditions no one will doubt anything.”

Louis heard the door was opened again “ Shane what takes you so long..”

Louis's stopped breathing, that was Harry's voice, and that was Shane, and now he was sure, and he couldn't believe what he just heard

“ yeah baby I’m coming.. I was just talking to my Sister.. she says hi..”

Louis heard Harry says “ it's okay baby I was just worried.. tell her hi too.. I will wait outside..”

And the door was closed again, and then he heard Shane laughing again

“ oh God that was close..”

Then he heard footsteps leaving “ anyway I have to go, and I will wait for you okay.. call me when you book the ticket.”

It took Louis couple of minutes to calm himself down, did he heard Shane saying Harry wad dying, was he doing him a favour and how, and what about the money he was taking from Harry, Louis needed to calm down, to think and to tell Harry, but right now he just didn't know how really!!

When he went outside , he saw Zayn waiting for him impatiently, when he saw him he smiled

“ I was getting worried.. how do you feel now?”

Then he frowned, Louis was pale like a sheet “ are you okay man? How do you feel?”

Louis tried to smile “ yeah, I'm fine..”

Zayn still not buying it “ are you sure?”

Louis nodded then he looked around for a sign of Shane or Harry, Zayn “ what are you looking for?”

Louis “ nothing.. where is Gigi?”

Zayn still looking at Louis, he knew there was something wrong,

“ she is coming.. she was with Sophie.”

Louis only nodded, not really listening to Zayn,  
Zayn “ I need to tell you something..”

Louis looked at him, he was not ready for any kind of conversations

“ Harry is here..”

Louis sighed and only nodded, Zayn frowned  
“ you know?."

“ yes Zayn I know, let's go.. here is Gigi.”

And he walked before hearing any responses.

******,  
At the funeral, Louis avoided seeing Harry, he made sure no eye contacts happened, not even staying at one place,

At Niall house, Louis was sitting with Niall at the kitchen, he needed to know if he was okay or not, and he didn't need any company to interrupt,

Niall was very sad, he loved the old man, and realizing he would not see him again was hard to get.

“ he is at a better place..” Louis was trying

Niall looked at him and tried to smile “ I know.. I know, it just.. I will miss him..”

“ I know..”

And Louis did know. 

Niall looked at him “ people keep telling me I will get use to it.. is this true?”,

Louis didn't see this coming, he would have to comfort Niall, and that meant words from the heart, his heart that he closed it forever

“ no..” he smiled

Then he sighed “ it may.. change a little, I mean your eyes won't cry when you remember him, only your heart..”

Niall was looking at him then “ I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry I shouldn’t ask you this..”

Louis shrugged “ it's okay.. I'm not an expert. i'm still trying to understand it.. but all I know is Life goes on.. and you should go with it.”

Niall nodded, he looked at his lap, trying to control his tears that was now falling on his cheeks

Louis knew what to do, he knew the exact feeling, he lived it before, so he just hugged him, then he whispered

“ it’s okay.. you will be okay"

“ Niall where are you..”

A voice coming, not any voice, it was Harry,  
Then Harry entered the kitchen, he saw Louis hugging Niall, Louis looked at Harry, he tried to smile, then Harry get closer, he patted softly on Niall's back, and Louis was releaved, Harry would know what to say

He was looking at Niall and Louis saw his eyes turned glassy at one second,

Niall whimpering in Louis's neck “ it so hard. “

Harry nodded “ I know..”

“ my heart is aching..”

Harry sighed “ I know Niall.."

Niall then left Louis and looked at Harry  
“ when.. when will I feel okay..”

Harry smiled “ you will.. eventually you will.. you have to know he is in a good place, and you will meet again..”,

Niall only sobbed, Louis was looking at the ground, he avoided looking at anyone. he couldn't , it still hurt

“ it will stop, right Harry?”

Harry smiled “ yeah.. it will .. time heals Niall. the pain will go away, the anger will go away.. but he will always remain.. in your heart and in your memories.”

His voice wad shaking “ sometimes.. you will hear his voice saying something.. or feel his existence. if you get lucky.. you will see him in your dreams.. but you will be okay.. you will be okay Niall. “

Louis cried, he knew what Harry was talking about, he knsw this how Harry was dealing with his pain

Niall sighed wiped his tears away “ I feel stupid..”

Harry frowning “ why?”

Niall trying to smile “ look at me I'm almost thirty and I'm crying like a kid.”

“ never heard crying has a certain age..”

Niall shrugged, Harry “ if it makes you feel better cry.. you should cry.. it's okay.” Niall closed his eyes “ oh God.. I'm okay..” he nodded to convince himself “ I'm okay.. “ 

then he looked at them,  
“ I'm sorry guys.. I'm so sorry I know how it's hard to talk about this, it's probably reminds you.. I’m so stupid..”

Harry shook his head “ no it's not. I can talk about this.. I mean I never forget him so you didn't remind me.. “  
then he looked at Louis who was still looking at the ground  
“ and I'm sure Louis feels the same.”

Louis looked at Niall smiling “ yeah.. it's okay.”

Harry was still looking at Louis, and Louis was still avoiding, but he felt Harry's eyes on him, and he was more nervous

Then they heard some voices then “ here you are..”

Harry turned to look and there was Zayn, Liam entering the kitchen,

Liam “ how are you Niall?”

Zayn sat on the table looking at Louis and at Harry, then he kept silent

“ they were telling me I will be okay..”

Liam softly “ you will..” he squeezed lightly his shoulder,  
Then Harry sat by Zayn, and so did Liam “ let's sit here for a minute, like old days..”

Naill looked at them “ I have people outside..”

Liam shrugged “ so we do.. let's just share a talk or something..”

Niall smiled then he sat between Liam and Zayn, and then Louis sat by Liam on the round table, he was nearly facing Harry

Liam smiling widely “ oh God.. it has been like what..three years”

Louis “ four years three months.”

And all of them kept silent, that was right before the accident, they were all together at Niall's place celebrating his new job, they had a good time, Louis and Harry had one drink, then we know the  
rest

Louis tried to lighten the mood “ it was a good time though..”

Niall and Zayn nodded, while Harry  
“ you were with someone Niall, what was her name?” 

he was trying to remember, and Louis was thankful for Harry for changing the tension, Niall smiled “ I think Lara.... Sarah..”

Zayn nodded remembering “ she was pretty..”

Liam and Harry “ she was.. “,

Louis smiling “ I remember she tried to hit on Harry.”

Harry laughed “ no she didn't.”

But both Niall and Louis “ she did..”

Zayn “ yes I remember. who told her you were not married.”

Louis laughing and raising his hand “ I did.”

Liam laughed hard “ yeah.. she came to us and asked if Harry was in any relation and Louis tricked her.”

Niall laughed “ oh God.. how could she..”

Liam added “ he told her he was single and looking.”

Harry laughed harder “ fuck ... that was you?”

Louis laughing “ I saw her moving towards you.. what happened next..”

Harry shrugged “nothing.”

Naill “ come on.. what did she do.. cause I remember her acting nervously .”

Harry laughed “ the minute she come to talk, Noah wanted to pee.. and she saw me trying to convince my son to go to his papa cause last time I went with him.”

They all laughed, Harry “ she looked at me in horror.. and she asked if I was gay. she didn't even care if I was married or having a son.”

They laughed harder, finally when they calmed a little  
“ she was pretty anyway..” Harry said

Niall nodded “ she was and she has a kind heart.. she attended the funeral.”

Louis nodded, he remembered seeing her crying on Niall’s shoulder  
Liam “ yeah .. I remember..”

Niall sighed “ I think she got married.”  
Zayn " good for her."

Then “ here you are..”

The five men looked towards the voice, it was Shane,  
Harry sighed and stood up 

Shane “ I was looking for you everywhere..” louis looked at Shane

Then Shane walked towards Harry, looking worried  
“ are you okay?”, Harry smiled “ I'm fine."

and Louis wanted to kill Shane right now, man, he was so perfect, he must be taking acting classes

Then Shane looked at Naill “ I'm so sorry for your loss Niall.”

Naill stood up nodding “ thank you. and thanks for coming.” 

Shane looking at Harry “ of course Harry's friends are my friends too.”

Harry was looking down, not talking, not smiling, just looking down, Louis was looking at him, he wanted to know why he was like that

“ Louis.. glad to see you again.”

Louis looked at Shane, and only nodded, then he saw Harry was actually looking at him, Louis was nervous now, he couldn't stand Harry's eyes on him, not now, not after what he heard, Harry somehow was in danger, and Louis didn't know how to save him. 

Then Shane put his hand on Harry's shoulder and together they left the kitchen followed by Zayn and Niall, leaving only Liam with Louis. 

“ are you okay?” Liam asked

Louis nodded and looked at him “ I'm fine..”

Liam sighed “ I owe you an apology.. last time we met I almost lost my temper.. I was stupid and-“

Louis sighed “ shut up I'm not angry.. plus I almost hit you. if it wasn’t for Harry you would be having a broken nose.”  
Liam smiled “ I'm still sorry..”

Louis nodded “ okay.. I accept your apology.. although I know why you were upset.”

Liam nodded, then he took a deep breath, Louis looked at him, Liam wanted to say something,l

“ what?”  
Liam shook his head “ I don't know. I don't know who to talk to really but..I’m worried about him.”

Louis's heart skipped a beat, he was scared to ask,  
Liam “ he is not okay.. I don't know he is hiding something.”

“like what?”

Liam shrugged “ I don't really know, he stopped talking to me, he stopped coming to the bakery saying the fumes and smells disturb him.. and it's true.. he doesn't feel okay, he doesn’t leave his inhaler.”

Louis was trying to control himself “ have you asked Shane?”

Liam nodding “ I did.. he told me it's okay.. it just because of the weather is getting cold but I know  
Harry .. he is .. he never was this weak.”

Louis nodded but said nothing, he couldn't say anything, but he knew what he was going to do, he would absolutely try to save Harry, he didn't know how, but he knew he might tell Harry what he heard.  
*******

Next morning, at the breakfast, Louis went to the restaurant of the hotel too late, he had a terrible headache from last night, and he could barely sleep ,  
Zayn and Gigi left early with Liam and Sophie, they were having a round around the city, then they would meet at Niall's house to say goodbye before leaving early tomorrow. 

Louis was sitting on a table alone, only drinking a coffee, he couldn't eat anything he felt he might threw up anytime soon.

He was thinking about what to do, he had a good plan, he would tell Zayn and Zayn would help, Zayn always knew what to do, he was a good lawyer and he was so smart, Louis just would wait till they get back to London and he would tell him what he heard. 

Then he saw him, Harry. 

Harry was sitting alone, on a table at the corner of the restaurant, by the glass that was looking at the outside, he was drinking something hot, resting his back on the chair looking at the people outside

Louis found himself walking towards him, and then he sat in front

Harry looked at him surprisingly, Louis tried to smile he was nervous “ good morning..”

Harry “ good morning..”

Harry looked different, he looked pale , he looked tired, Louis didn't know if he looked this way yesterday , or he was seeing that now after what Liam told him

Louis “ you are still here?”,

Harry nodded “ yeah.. we are leaving in two days.. Shane's sister came and he wanted to show her the place.”

And no, Louis could not believe what he heard, how bold they were. 

Louis tried to act normal “ you are still together.”

Harry was staring at Louis, then he nodded, Louis “ I thought he left.”

Harry “ he came back. he always comes back.”

Harry wanted to hurt Louis, Louis understood,  
Louis sighed “ Harry I'm sorry.. I –"

“ stop..”

Louis stopped, and then looked at Harry 

“ I don't want to talk about anything really.”

“ Harry..”

“ you did what you needed to do. you can't stay with me, you left .. and then left again.. and you will keep leaving, I understand..”

Louis sighed “ listen to me.”

“ no"

“ Harry.. I have something to tell you about Shane..”

“ God.. now what?” he was angry

Louis didn't know what to say “ he is.. I don't trust him..”

Harry looked at Louis, trying to read him, then he stood up

Louis stood up too “ Harry listen please..”

Harry was leaving the table “ no, I don't care what you have to say, I don't care if you trust him or not.. I trust him and that's enough for me..” he was walking to leave 

Louis hastily “ he wants to hurt you..”

Harry stopped and looked at Louis “ how? He never left me. how bad can he hurt me Louis, I am already hurt. he is saving me..”

Louis was still trying “ Harry.. I'm sorry please.”

Harry “ you please" then he looked at him “ we are here only for Naill.. let's keep it this way and pretend this never happens, you can keep avoiding me like yesterday.”

“ I wasn't..”

Harry lost his patience “ and I don’t care.. can you please leave me alone..”

And Louis stopped talking, He just watched Harry leaving before his eyes, he couldn't talk to him, Harry didn't want to talk to him and he couldn't blame him , he knew he hurt him a lot, and he knew Harry trusted Shane so much. So saving his Life would require a lot of tries 

When Harry wanted to save Louis he left everything and stayed with him, and now Louis would retain the favour, now Louis would try to save Harry.


	7. Chapter 7

When Louis went to see Niall at the evening, he didn't expect to see Harry there, but again that was Harry, if a friend needs him, he will leave everything and try to help him, and Naill needed every comfort he could get, and Harry was the one for that,

The boys were sitting in front of the TV, Harry was avoiding Louis of course , while Naill and Liam were talking about something , Zayn came out of the kitchen holding a plate in his hand saying 

“ man I miss your Lasagne..” to Harry, Harry only smiled

Liam looked surprised “ you made this?”

Harry nodded, Niall “ it's delicious too..”,

Liam walking to the kitchen “ do want some.. Tommo?”

Louis looked at him and then “ no I'm fine..”

Zayn sat beside Harry on the couch , he was eating smiling “ yeah.. it's amazing you should have some..” 

Louis shrugged “ I'm full.”

Zayn “ are you feeling better anyway?”

Louis “ not really .. but better.”

Niall looked worried “ what's the matter?”

Louis “ I ate something bad on the plane.. I wasn’t feeling well.”

Niall “ I'm sorry man.”

Then Harry just stood up and walked to the kitchen,   
Niall and Zayn were watching, then Zayn said when Harry disappeared inside 

“ are you both okay?”

Louis just nodded, Niall “ he is not feeling okay that's all.”

Louis “ how?”

Niall shrugged looking sorry “ I don't really know, I mean I shouldn’t let him cook anything really.. he barely can stand , and he keeps using his inhaler.. I really don't know.. I wanted to call Shane but he told me it was under control.”

Louis was listening, he didn't like what he heard, okay the weather was bad, sometimes it triggers his asthma, but Liam said it was happening a lot recently, and he still didn't know what Shane meant by Harry was dying.

Zayn stood and walked to the kitchen, Louis was lost in his mind, he was worried, and he still didn't know what to do 

Niall “ are you okay.. you seem off..”

Louis just sighed “ I'm fine Naill.. I'm just worried about Harry.”

Niall nodded “ me too.. I feel like.. he wants to say something but he just hold himself, and this is not Harry that I know, I don’t know what he is hiding, I asked him, but he didn't give me any good answer”

Okay that definitely madeLouis more concerned,  
Niall sighed “ life is too short Louis..”

Louis looked at him confused, Niall “ if my father death taught me anything, then now I know life is short, we can't just torture ourselves by staying away from the people we love.”

Louis sighed “ Niall you don't understand.”

“ I do Louis, and I don't know why are you doing this to yourself, to Harry? I know you still love each other, when you divorced him you were still in love with him, when you disappeared you were still in love with him, and you will always be.. and he loves you, he needs you Louis more than you need him.”

“ he has Shane.”

Niall looked at him frowning “ that man is a shithole, you know better.. don't tell me you bless their relationship. I don't know how can you leave him with this man.”

“ he loves him.”

“ of course not.”

“ then why he still him..”

“ cause he is scared.. “ then Naill sighed “ Harry woke up one day, all alone, has no family, no one, Shane was the only one who showed him some support, he stayed while we all got busied with our lives.. he doesn’t love him, he maybe appreciate what he is doing to him”

“ then what is he scared of.”

“ of being alone again.. of losing everything suddenly again.. he keeps this relation because it makes him believes that everything will be okay again, that there is someone who wants him, that he  
is actually still alive.”

Louis never sees it this way

“ Louis I know losing your son destroyed you, and it did destroyed him too by its own way, he tries to survive and he needs someone to help him surviving, because he knows he can't do it alone.. maybe Shane helps him.. but Shane isn't you, you know Harry better than anyone, he knows you too, you two need each other, stop running, you need to forgive yourself and start all over again.”

Then they heard the boys coming from the kitchen, Naill smiled to Louis, and Louis understood everything was said, and it was right, they needed each other, but Louis never admited that, he hurt  
Harry before, and he was afraid to hurt him again, but Harry actually wasn’t okay without him, and Louis started to see this now

“ Louis.. Harry is staying for couple of days, what if we stay too?” it was Zayn asking while sitting beside Louis,

Louis looked at Harry who sat beside Niall now , but Harry was looking down

“ I don't know Zayn..”

Naill nodded “ yes.. he will stay. what about you Liam.”

Liam shook his head “ I can't.. someone should be at the bakery.”

Harry “ two days won't harm Liam.”

Liam shook his head “ you don't know how it is Harry you stopped showing up and everything is crashing around me.”

Liam sounded hard and angry , Harry only nodded and, looked back at the floor, Liam sighed  
“ you know I didn't mean to sound angry right? It just I'm worried about you Harry.”

Harry sighed covering his face with his hands “ oh God Liam, we talked about this"

Liam “ no I talked, you didn't.-”

Harry didn't speak, Niall looked at Harry beside him “ we are just worried Harry.”

Harry took a deep breath, Zayn “ you don't look okay.. I know I saw you like three months ago. but you look different, in a bad way"

Harry standing up “ I told you guys I'm fine.”

Liam sounded angry “ you are not fine.“

Harry was still calm , he looked at Liam “ okay why cant you believe me, you called Shane he told you  
I'm fine.”

Naill “ Harry we just need to talk.”

Harry “ no you don't believe me , and I don't know why are you making it a big deal.”

Liam “ we are worried..”

Harry nodded “ okay I'm telling you don't.”

Then he sighed “ guys.. I know I look bad, I know I feel bad, but I really don't know what is the matter, I made tests I made a lot of scans.. everything is okay.”

“ with Shane" Louis finally talk

Harry looked at him “ yes Louis with Shane",

Louis “ do it again then.”

Harry “ why?”

Louis “ just do it again with someone else, I can come with you.”

Harry was still looking with him, then he shook his head in disbelief  
“ oh God.. do you listen to yourself.”

Then he again took a deep breath “ I can't breath.. I will go outside.”

And he left them all

Zayn started “ he is angry.”

Liam “ I know and I don't know why"

Louis stood up “ I will talk to him..”

Louis walked outside where Harry was sitting on the door steps, his head was down, he was holding his inhaler in his hand, and his other hand was on his chest , Louis winced at the look of Harry, but he decided not to comment

He sat by him, Harry looked at him, and then looked down again

“ I don't want to talk Louis.”

Louis nodded “ I know..”

“ why are you here then.”

“ I will talk.”

Harry sighed “ Louis..”

“ shut up and listen..”

Harry looked at him and raised his brow “ really?”,  
Louis nodded “ really..”

“ and why should I listen?”,

“ cause I'm older you idiot that's why"

Harry was trying to remain serious but he couldn't , he just laughed, so as Louis “ that always works .”, Harry sighed “ it does.”

He was trying to catch his breath, Louis started “ they are worried about you.”

“ they are angry..”

“ no.”

“ yes.. Liam thinks I hide something from him, and I'm not, Niall believes I don't want him as a friend anymore and that's what Shane wants which is not true. Zayn is.. well Zayn is always angry at something..”

Louis listening “ yes you are right. but they are worried Harry.. I mean I'm worried too"

Harry shook his head “ I don't know why. I mean.. I'm like this since long time , what has changed?”

“ I don’t know but I know you don't feel okay and I know you know..”

Harry looked at him, then he looked in front “ I don't know how you make me do this?”

Louis confused “ do what?”

“ this... talk to you..” then he looked at him “ I was angry at you Louis very much, but once you talked to me I just.. talked.. opened my heart like there is nothing wrong, like you put on spell or something.. you always do that”

And then he looked in front again, Louis was still watching him, Harry sighed “ I hate that.”

Louis nodded “ that's exactly what I feel when I talk to you..”

Harry looked at him again surprised, Louis nodded  
“ you make me say what I don't want to say, you make me feel naked when I'm with you.”

Harry laughed, Louis laughed too “ not like what you pictured you idiot.”

Harry laughed harder “ I didn't picture anything.”

Louis “ I know your filthy mind.”

Harry smiled , then he sighed and looked in fre again “ I miss that..”

Louis raised a brow “ seeing me naked?!”

Harry laughing “ no.. talking together, and see you naked of course "

Louis smiling “ I know Hazza I miss that too..”

Harry “ no you didn't.. if you did you would do something about it.”

Louis “ Harry-.”

Harry raised his hand “ I know.. I know, I don't wanna talk either..”

Louis nodded, and they both stopped talking for a moment

“ Harry.. are you building a hospital?”

He had to ask, he needed to make sure. 

Harry simply nodded, “ you know from the money that the driver's company gave us as a compensation.”

Louis nodded, that means his doubts were still right.  
“ what about your share?” Harry asked

Louis shrugged “ still in the bank, I never think about it, I can't touch it, sueing them wasn't even my idea.”

Harry nodded, he knew that, the driver who hit him was working for a decent company , so after the accident Zayn convinced Louis to claim a compensation, Louis didnt really care, he was with harry all the time at the hospital, and when they won the case , he didn't care about the money.

Louis “ is it finished?”,

“ not really , Shane is taking care of everything ”

Louis nodded trying hard to keep his mouth shut,  
Harry “ it's for Noah.. I try to make people always remember him.”

Louis was surprised “ that's nice Harry.”

Harry shrugged “ it was an idea.. but Shane made it come true.”

Louis nodded, Harry “ I know you don't trust him, but he isn't bad really.. I mean because of him the hospital will be something, a lot of children will get the treatment they deserve”

Louis sighed “ I don't know.”

“ give him a chance..”

Louis nodded, Harry looked away again “ I think he wants to propose.”

Louis bit his lower lip, then “ that is a good news.”

Harry without looking “ is it?”

“ you love him.. he loves you.”

Harry only nodded, Louis “ did he tell you that .”

“ he says he is making me a surprise after the opening. Of the hospital, it's next month.”

Louis can't take it any more, “ where is he anyway?”

Harry looked surprised at the sudden change if the topic, he said “ with his sister.”

Louis “-have you seen her..”

Harry “ no... not yet, why?”

Louis nervously “ it just I heard-”

The house door was opened and Liam showed “ all okay here?” he said,

Harry looked at him “ I'm fine Li..”

Liam smiled and moved closer “ I know.. I'm so sorry.”

Then the other boys showed, and Louis again had to keep his mouth shut, okay now wasn't the right time, but he made a mental note, he wouldn't wait till they got back to London to tell Zayn, no he would tell him as soon as he could , and that exactly what happened. 

When they returned to the hotel, Louis refused to go to his room, he rushed to Zayn's room, and lucky for him, Gigi had already left, she had a lot of work to do in London, and she had to leave earlier. 

Louis told Zayn everything he heard, and all about Harry's hospital, all about Shane's fake sister, all about the money he was planning to take, and most importantly about Harry's dying

“ are you fucking sure about this..” Zayn asked   
nervously, furiously

Louis “ that what I heard from both Shane and Harry.”

Zayn shook his head in disbelief “oh God.. what took you so long to tell me Louis..”

Louis frowned “ I only knew yesterday.”

Zayn was getting more nervous “ shit.. I need a cigarette.”

Louis “ Zayn you quit...”

Zayn almost yelled “ well what you just said must be absorbed with a cigarette.. he is killing him Louis.. this is ..shit.. I know there was something weird with him.. fuck do you know his full name..”

Louis watching Zayn pacing the room, he shook his head, Zayn put out his phone from his pocket,  
Louis “ what are you doing?”

Zayn “ I'm calling Liam.”

Louis “ no Zayn.. no one-”

Zayn putting the phone on his ear “ relax... hello yes Payno.. no just me and Louis talking. listen you told me about Shane full name before.yeah .. I know you did.. ok I don't trust him either.”

Louis was staring at Zayn, Zayn was looking at Louis, then

“ ok Liam thanks.. I will tell you of course.”

Then he put the phone down

Louis “ what was that?”

Zayn sighed “ he doesn’t trust him too. he asked me to look for him..”

“ why?”

“ he didn't tell me something specific, he just doesn't trust how he control Harry, he wants me to ask about him, he knows I know people.”

“ what do you expect to find..”

“ I hope nothing Lou, because what you are saying to me is really dangerous.. that means  
Harry's life is in fucking danger.. and we don't even know how"

Louis already knew that, but hearing it from some one made it true,

“ we can't leave his side, we should be with him in every step he takes, if we feel anything wrong we take him to the hospital..”

Louis nodded, okay that was a good plan

“ we will keep him away from Shane and his fake sister, I will track Shane know all his movements.  
“

Louis again nodded, Zayn sighed “ and we should tell Harry..”

And no

“ of course not.”

“ he should know.”

“ he will never believe, it will be my word against Shane.”

Zayn “ exactly.. that's why he should know.. he trusts you.”

Louis shook his head “ no he is not Zayn.”

Zayn looked at him but didn't talk, Louis “ can we at least not tell him now.. when we found anything about him we need evidence, maybe he will believe..”

Zayn sighed “ if we tell him he will believe Louis.”

Louis “ Zayn please..”

Zayn nodded, then “ we need to meet his sister.”

“ why?”

“ she knows everything.. we need to know who she is.”

Louis “ and how is that.”

Zayn shrugged “ I will figure out something.”

Louis nodded, and he knew Zayn, he trusted him, and he was sure they would do what ever it takes to save Harry, and they will.


	8. Chapter 8

Next morning when Louis entered the restaurant for the breakfast, he saw Zayn was already there, he didn't expect that, Zayn always passed breakfast, and he found him already sitting on the table with Harry, Shane and his fake sister. 

When Zayn saw him he waved him to share them, Louis didn't know what was in Zayn's mind but  
Zayn wasn't easy , he was smart and he was knowing what he was doing. 

Louis asked for a cup of tea, and moved to sit by them, he greeted them all

Zayn introduced him to Shane and his “ sister”

“ louis this is Sheryl she is Shane's little sister. she is a doctor too"

Louis smiled at her, Zayn joked “ think with me Louis , I think I met her before, I just can't remember..”

Louis looked back at the woman, she was in her early thirties, long brown hair, blue eyes, and no , he’d never seen her before. 

Shane said “ I don't think you've met Zayn, I'm sure you are confused, she is living in Paris..”

Paris, that was where Harry was planning to go. talking about Harry, Louis looked at him, Harry was calm, extra calm, looking at his lap, not sharing any eye contact with anyone. 

Louis was getting worried, he tried his best to control his shaky voice 

“ still sleeping Hazza?”

Harry looked at Louis, he tried to smile “ yeah.. I couldn't sleep well"

Harry was pale, his eyes were puffed, red, and there was a nearly purple bruise at his left cheek. 

Louis looked shocked “ Harry what is this?”

Harry put his hand in his cheek “ it's nothing Louis”

Zayn looked at Harry, and he knew how would Louis react, so he caught his hand under the table,  
Louis was going to talk, but he barely could stop himself. 

Zayn laughed “ did you fell or something?”

Harry nodded “ yeah.. I wasn't looking.”

Louis looked at Shane, he was looking at Harry cautiously, and he looked nervous

Zayn “ it looks painful..”

Shane said “ it's okay. he slipped and I checked him, you know how clumsy he is..” he tried to laugh

Harry only nodded, Louis couldn't stop Talking for for long “ do you feel okay, you look pale"

Harry sighed “ I just had an attack Louis, I will be okay.”

But Louis didn't accept that, “ okay you need to go to hospital.”

Sheryl finally interfered “ why hospital while two doctors are here.”

Shane “ relax Louis , he had an attack.. I was there with him..”

“ he looks pale.”

“ he looks like that after attacks , you just forgot how he looks.” he said coldly and Louis was going to comment

Harry raised his hands “ guys.. guys.. stop it..” then he looked at Louis “ I'm okay..”

And that was weird, Harry actually accepted Louis concerns, he wanted to reassure him, he didn't look at Shane, he didn't talk to him, he just looked at Louis.  
Louis only nodded, Zayn was also worried but he wanted to change the topic

“ you were telling me about the hospital guys, when is the opening.”

And again Harry looked at his lap, while Shane answered “ we are hoping to be next month.”

Zayn “ that's wonderful Harry, and you know as a pretty good lawyer, I can handle your legal things.”

Harry looked at Zayn to answer, but Shane “ we had our good staff, they took good care of everything, besides Harry doesn't understand those things"

Zayn nodded , but ignored “ I would love to take a look, send me the papers Harry.”

Harry nodded “ I will.”

But Shane looked at Sheryl for a second , no one noticed but Zayn. 

Then Zayn said to the whole table “ so we will have dinner tonight?”,

Shane and Harry nodded, while Louis looked at Zayn who only smiled at him

Then Zayn looked at Sheryl “ I'm still trying to remember, I’ve never forgot such a pretty face..”

She looked at him hesitated, then she nervously smiled at him, while Shane was watching,

Zayn and Louis excused then, they told them they had plans to do with Niall, which wasn't true.  
*****

At Zayn's room, Louis was pacing the room, while Zayn was sitting in the chair watching him

“ can you please sit, you are making me dizzy..” Zayn said. 

Louis looked at him furiously “ have you see him Zayn, he is afraid of something, he hides something..”

Zayn nodded “ okay, he does.. and we need to think how we will save this.”

“ and what about that bruise. does he hit him.. God I will kill that prick I swear to God if I know.”

Zayn was only watching, Louis “ what!!”

Zayn shrugged “ I just forgot how you look when you are worried..”

Louis sighed “ stop it..”

Zayn shook his head “ I'm really glad you finally reconnected to the world.”

Louis took a deep breath “ I feel responsible Zayn.”

Zayn frowned, Louis “ if I stayed by his side, maybe I could have protected him, maybe he wouldn't meet Shane..”

“ God Louis, you just love to blame yourself.. cause three years ago, you were convinced that staying away was only to protect him.”

Louis looked at the floor, that was right, Louis believed in that for long time, Harry suffered now because of the accident, but he couldn't let him get hurt again, not when they knew Shane might hurt Harry.

The door was knocked , and Zayn walked to open,

“ Harry?”

Louis looked hastily at the door, Harry entered, and Zayn closed the door behind.

Harry stood at the middle of the room, then he looked at them both “ what are you doing?”

Zayn “ what do you mean?”

“ you know exactly what I mean.. two days ago both of you were avoiding us, and this morning you are acting like a long life friends.”

“ but Harry we are friends.”

Harry was getting angry “ really? Since when.. I haven't seen your faces for four years. both of you.. so now tell me what are you planning to do.”

Zayn sighed “ nothing Harry.. if this bothers you we can cancel the dinner.”

Harry was looking at Louis , Louis was avoiding his eyes, then he said “ we just wanted to say hi, I want to fix things..”

And that was stupid, even Zayn knew how Harry would react,  
But Harry was unlike himself, he didn't yell, he didn't fight, he just looked at Louis

“ I don't believe this..”

Zayn “ Harry..”

Harry to Louis “ you know something"

Louis looked nervously at him, Harry “ I know you Lou,.. you know something that makes you don't trust Shane..”

Louis was lost in words, he didn't know what to say, or what to do,

Zayn “ you don't trust him too Harry"

Harry nervously “ of course I do..”

“ then why does it matter if Louis trusts him or not.”

Harry sighed, and looked at the floor, then he looked at Louis

“ you were far awayfor years, and three months ago I begged you to stay, to help each other. what happened?”

Louis bit his lower lip , he wanted to talk, Harry continued

“ what changed, cause you are making me confused, and I can't bear any kind of this..”

Louis got closer to Harry “ Harry.. I .. “

Harry “ you avoided me Louis from day one.. and then you want to talk to me like old days. what is going on? ”,  
Louis sighed and then looked at Zayn for help,  
Zayn said “ Louis heard something..”

Louis looked at him to shut him up

Zayn continued “ he was at the bathroom, and Shane was there on the phone..”

Harry frowned, Louis sighed stepping away,  
Zayn “ he heard him talking to a woman.. telling her he misses her and asking her to come and he will tell you she is his sister..”

Harry looked at Louis shockingly, Zayn “ he says he is only with you till the hospital is done, he wants your money, and then he will leave..”

Harry whispered “ no..”

Zayn “ yes.. “

Harry “ Lou?”

Louis didn't look, Harry called again “ lou..”

Louis finally looked at Harry, at his eyes, there were glassy, and Louis couldn't bear that,

Harry “ is this true.”

Louis “ I'm sorry..”

Harry finally broke the eye contact, wiping away his tears “ I cant believe you.”

Both Zayn and Louis looked confused, Harry “ why are you doing this to me?"

Louis sighed “ Harry..”

Harry “ I suffered too, but I know Noah wants us happy.. why do you want me to live in misery like you do..”

Louis getting closer to Harry “ it's not like.. I swear Harry that what happened.”

Harry shook his head in disbelief “ and now what are you doing? You are asking me to stay away?  
Do you expect me to just believe?"

Zayn “ no.. we know you won't. but we also want you to look for it. you have never met her Harry, and he is talking about the hospital as if it's his.not yours.

Harry raising his voice “ it means nothing.. he is taking care of everything..”

Zayn “ why don’t you..”

Harry yelled “ cause I can't okay.. I can barely move without feeling I'm out of breath.. we are building this hospital for two years now.. he knows everything about it, he is telling me everything, and no one knows about it..”

Louis finally said “ then how did I know.”

Harry looked at him, and for a minute he couldn’t breathe, he put his hand on his pockets, and then he panicked, he started wheezing, he looked at Louis eyes full if dread, and Louis knew that look

He rushed to his side “ it's okay.. you are okay..”

He helped Harry sit on the chair, Harry now was struggling to breathe, his eyes were glassy, Louis sat in front of him on the ground

“ where is your inhaler?”

Harry shook his head “ don't know..”

Louis looked nervously to Zayn “ find any..”

Zayn ran outside the room, Louis looked back at Harry “ is it an attack.. or shortness of your breath.”  
Harry trying to breath deeply “ I .. don't know..”

Louis nodded “ it's okay.. just try to breath.. you will be okay..”,

Louis looked around him, he was thinking what to do, he took care of Harry before when he suffered from asthma, and sometimes he forgot his inhaler, but With one lung, Louis found it hard to control his nervousness, Harry started to cough badly, and okay this definitely wad asthma

“ come with me..”

Louis helped Harry to stand up, and slowly they headed towards the bathroom, he opened the shower on the hot, and he felt Harry was losing his balance now, he helped him to sit on the shower cabin, he sat by him, and he helped Harry to take off his jacket, he didn't care if he was getting wet, the vapour filled the cabinet, Louis started to press on the front part of his inner shoulder, and while he was doing this , Harry although was in pain and his eyes closed, smiled, because Louis remembered, Harry once told him it was a technique to press on some acupressure points that were the lung points , with the outer edges of the creases of the elbows, they must relax the muscles of the lungs that are tensed up,

Louis looked at his smile, and he nodded with tears in his eyes “ of course I remember Harry... of course I remember"

Then the door was opened and Zayn entered with an inhaler in his hand, he sat beside them in the wet floor and gave Louis the inhaler

“ feeling better?”

Harry finally opened his eyes, he nodded, and Louis put the mouthpiece in Harry's mouth, Harry took a puff, then two, then three.

*****  
After calming down, and the danger was off, Zayn gave Harry a dry hoodie, and it took minutes and Harry was sleeping on the chair.

Both Zayn and Louis, didn't really know what next, Harry would wake up and then what, would he leave, or he be angry, they just waited. 

Harry didn't want to wake up, Louis tried but Harry was too weak or too sleepy to respond, and six hours after, Zayn decided to wake him up

“ he has to wake up, the plan should work Loui..”

Louis looking at Harry through the door “ I don't know Zayn.. I think he really need some sleep.. look at him..”

Zayn sighed “ Louis.. please, I know you are worried.. but this is serious, everything you said is true, there is a hospital and Shane is acting as it's like his property , and his fake sister that when I tried to hit on her he got jealous.. let's not talk about the rest.. but look at him, two attacks in nearly a day is not Harry, I talked to Liam and he said this is not normal too, and what about that bruise, we don't know if he hit him or not..”

“ he is not..” 

it was Harry, he was standing at the door frame, Louis and Zayn both looked at him shocked,  
Zayn sighed “ then what happened?”

Harry sat on the chair in front of Louis “ I fainted.. and I fell..”

Louis nodded , Harry “ I was alone, and I panicked when I felt the attack. I couldn't find my inhaler I think I got anxious and that made it worse..”

Louis nodded “ Harry, you never leave your inhaler, what happened?”

Harry shrugged “ I don't know, I thought it was on my bag but I couldn't find it.. then Shane showed up and I guess he found it and he did what he had to do"

Zayn “ does this happen a lot..”

Harry looked at Zayn “ what do you mean this?” ,

Zayn “ attacks in a small period of time..”

Harry sighed then looked down shaking his head, he lied,

Louis “ what do you think is triggering it?”

Harry “ I really don't know.. but my chest keeps tightening on me. I did many scans ,and changed my drugs but it's getting worse everyday..”

Louis and Zayn nodded, no one could say any other word, they will upset him if they ask any questions,  
Harry looked at both of them, then he said “ I believe you..”

Zayn looked surprised “ what?”

Harry nodded “ I do.. I don't trust him anymore, but I don't know what to do"

Louis was watching Harry, Harry was nervous “ Harry.. what do you know?”,

Harry looked at Louis, he sighed “ nothing.. he .. three months ago, right after Louis's disappearance, he wanted a full authorization, he said to have a legal access to my money .. so he don't disturb me every time he needs to do anything at the hospital"

Then he stood up “ I refused.. he got upset... and accused me for not trusting him.. we fought hard, he attacked me, he didn’t hit me but he was furious.. he pushed me , slammed me to the wall and then he left.”

Louis was getting angry, Harry “ he came back, apologizing.. it was his first time so I accepted his apology.. but I felt there was something wrong. I called my lawyer and asked him about the hospital , and I asked him to understand what is going on.. Shane knows nothing about him.. and he told me that he is building a hospital and telling people that it was his, I was furious, and I went to his clinic.. and there I saw her , Sheryl.. there were making out at his office..”

Louis sighed “ oh Harry..”

“ then I know, he was using me , he wants my money, but I don't know what is the game.. he is building a hospital with my money but I know nothing about the ownership rights. I know nothing about the papers so I started to ask questions.. he didn't like it then he travelled to Paristo Sheryl.. I was trying to understand but I just.. I can't reach anything, no one co-operates with me, they all say the same thing, every this is in Shan's hand..”,

Then he looked at Louis and Zayn “ and then I started to not feel okay..”,

Louis looked at him shocked, did he know about Shane's intentions of hurting Harry,

“ I don’t know what he is doing to me .. and I'm scared. “ then he took a deep breath “ I think I'm dying..”

And no. 

Zayn was getting closer “ we are here Hazza, nothing is going to happen to you..”,

Harry looking at Zayn he nodded, Louis stood up, and he walked towards Harry, Harry looked at him “ I feel stupid.”

Louis frowned , Harry “ he has been deceiving me for years, and I was just clinging on him..”, 

Louis “ you trust him..”,

Harry tried to smile “ everyone seems nice to me I guess..”

Louis smiled “ you are a good man Harry..”

Harry chuckled, he looked down again, and there were tears on his cheeks,

Louis sighed “ don't..”

Harry tried to smile wiping his tears away again “ I thought I can handle everything alone.. but it's hard.. everything is still hurt.”

Louis patted on Harry's shoulder, Harry looked at him  
“ he knows I'm stupid.. he knows I trust him..”

Louis “ it's okay..”

Harry shook his head “ it's not.. why? I don't deserve this.. I did nothing wrong.. for three years  
Louis..”,

Louis “ I'm sorry..”

Harry sighed “ it's not your fault..”

Louis “ I won't leave again..”

Harry looked at him eyes opened wide, Louis nodded “ I won't..”

“ are you sure?”,  
“ I'm...”,  
“ I know you are trying to help now.. but when this ends.. you will leave again..”

Louis shook his head “ I won't... I'm sorry. leaving you was a big mistake I thought I was protecting you"

“ from what?”,

“ from me.. I hurt you Harry, bad.. I destroyed you.. I killed our son..”

Harry cried now “ please.. stop saying this. please.. he died.. you didn’t kill him”

Louis was looking at Harry, Harry “ it kills me, when you say this.. it kills me.. you are his father, fathers don't kill their children.. so please stop"

Louis slowly nodded, Harry looking at his eyes “ you won't leave me?”

Louis shook his head, Harry “ promise me..”

“ Harry I'm not leaving..”

Harry sighed “ please, just promise..”

“ I promise you Harry, I won't leave.. I will stay". 

Harry closed his eyes let the tears fall again on his cheeks, then he hugged Louis, tight, so tight,  
And Louis misses that, he felt like finally breathing, he missed that touch, that hug, that smell, he hugged Harry too, he hugged him tightly, he kissed his neck, and Harry buried his face in his neck crook, Harry's body was shaking, he was crying, and he cried hard, Louis tried to calm him down, but he found himself crying too, Harry then passed his hand through Louis's hair,. 

“ I miss you Lou..”

Louis nodded, “ I miss you too love..,"

“ I'm sorry..”

Louis frowned “ for what baby.”

“ for your pain.. you were in pain and I couldn’t help..”

Louis cried too “ it's okay.”

Harry finally looked at Louis again “ you won't leave right?”,

Louis smiled “ I promised”

Harry nodded, and then he looked around “ where is Zayn?”

Louis let Harry and also looked for Zayn, he just disappeared, then Louis got a text , Louis put out his phone and saw the text

“ went for a drink, don't do it on my bed"

Louis laughed, Harry looked at him smiling, “ he is having a drink" Louis explained

Harry sat on the chair again “ now what?”

Louis “ now you go to your room, get dressed, act normally, and we will meet at dinner.. I will tell you then..”

Harry smiling “ I want to sleep.”

Louis “ no, you go, stop being lazy.. I will go to my room too, don't get late.. okay"

Harry nodded, then he looked in front of him thinking,  
Louis “ you can do it, I know you can..”

Harry nodded, then he stood up, and left outside leaving Louis again, who was for the first time in years, feeling relieved, feeling okay again, feeling whole again.


	9. Chapter 9

Zayn and Louis reached the restaurant , they had to wait for nearly an hour till Harry, Shane and Sheryl arrived, Louis lost his mind during this hour, he tried to call Harry but he didn't answer, and when he was about to go and look for him they arrived.

Harry was again acting weird, not talking much, hardly answering when they tried to talk to him, Zayn played smartly, he acted as normal as he could , tried to gain any information about the hospital, but Shane was also smart he only said what he wanted to say.  
Harry excused to use the loo, and Zayn knew Louis would die to follow him, but they didn't want to raise any doubts, so he excused to use the loo instead.

When Zayn entered the bathroom, it looked empty, okay , he walked inside and then called Harry, but there was no answer, he called again and moved to the stalls, they were all opened, Harry never was in the bathroom, Zayn rang him but again Harry didn't answer, something was happening.

When Zayn came out of the bathroom towards the table Harry was still not there, Zayn looked nervous, but then he felt someone walking right behind him, he knew it was Harry,

Zayn whispered walking towards the table all the eyes were on them “ where were you?”,

Harry smiled doing the same “ I will tell you later..”,

Louis figured there was something wrong, but he tried his best to just ignore, at least Harry now was reacting and talking,

It went well actually, Louis kept the tension between him and Shane, Harry tried to stop it, Zayn tried to lighten the mood, he kept teasing Shane by hitting on Sheryl, he made her uncomfortable, and made Shane extremely nervous, Harry was watching deeply happy, he looked more comfortable, and that made Louis more eager to know what actually changed.

When they went back to their rooms, Shane made sure to anger Louis the most, he was surrounding Harry like his shadow, Harry and Louis couldn't say a word together, he kept the body contact too, every once and while he would embrace Harry, or touch him, okay he wanted to make Louis jealous, and make Harry uncomfortable, which didn't happen, they all played calm, which they will later know it was a mistake.

Louis followed Zayn to his room, he still wanted to know what happened in the bathroom, what was the reason Harry was acting this way.

Once they entered the room and the door was closed “ he knows something..” and it was Zayn.

Louis looked at him confused “ what?”

Zayn said nervously “ Shane, he knows something..”

Louis “ why?”

Zayn “ I don't know.. the way he talks to Harry, the way he looks to Sheryl.. I don’t know it makes me nervous.”

Louis sighed “ fuck.. now you scared me.”

Zayn nodded “ we should.”

Louis getting nervous now “ what did he tell you in the bathroom.”

Zayn shook his head “ he didn't tell me anything, he wasn't there..” Louis looked confused, Zayn “ he told me he will tell me later..”

“ he looked different when he returned.”

Zayn nodded “ I know.”

Then they both stopped talking, both thinking  
“ call him..” it was Zayn, Louis looked at Zayn, Zayn “ do it, I hate that feeling.”

“ shit.. stop talking this way. you are scaring me.” then he put out the phone from his pocket

He called Harry, and after two rings , Harry finally answered

“ Hello Louis..”

Louis hastily “ Harry.. are you okay.”

“ I'm fine Louis, we were just together..” he giggled 

Louis became confused “ are you sure.”

“ yes..”

“ is he with you? .”, Harry didn't speak, and that scared Louis more

“ Harry?”

Zayn got closer trying to understand, Louis again “ Harry?”

Then he heard him whispering “ he knows Louis.. he knows.”

Louis looked at Zayn eyes opened wide, then the line was cut “ Fuck.. Harry.. Harry.”

He looked at Zayn “ he says he Shane knows.”

Zayn only closed his eyes, he tried to control his feelings “ he will be okay..”,he was trying to reassure himself

Louis nodded, Zayn said again “ he will be okay.”

Louis looked at Zayn “ I have to see him.”

Zayn shook his head “ no, Louis.. you can't “

“ why?”

“ we don't know what he knows.”

“ he is going to hurt him Zayn.”

Zayn only pressed his mouth shut, then he said “ he won't hurt him now.. if he knows about us, then he won't hurt him now.”

Then Louis sighed, and sat back on the chair, he didn't know what to do, he just want to see Harry, to make sure he is okay

finally Louis decided to go back to his room, there was nothing to do anyway

Louis was trying to call Harry every ten minutes, Harry's line was out of service, but nearly after midnight, he received a text from unknown number , it says 

“ meet me at the bar", Louis knows it must be Harry,

He jumped out of his bed, he wore his jacket, and took a phone and then he ran outside his room, Harry knows something, Shane knows something, and Louis needs to know what is going on, he entered the bar looked around , there was no sign for Harry, he decided to sit for any drink and wait

“ you are here..” a voice from behind

Louis turned his face, it wasn't Harry, it was Shane,  
Louis got nervous, he didn't know it Shane knows about the text, or if Harry knows Shane is already there,

“ I couldn't sleep..”, Louis tried with a steady voice as much as he can, he looked towards the entrance of the bar to see if Harry was getting inside

“ me too.. “ Shane said, then he looked at the empty chair beside Louis 

“ waiting for someone?”

Louis shook his head, Shane sat beside him while Louis took another glance at the door

“ you know.. I kinda noticed that Harry is acting weirdly when you are around..” 

Louis looked at him confused, Shane smiled  
“ I think the lad is craving you.”

Louis “ what are you talking about?”

And what he was talking about, did he really know something, did he know what happened early this morning, Louis was getting nervous, and nervous Louis always do mistakes

Shane “ I know why he does.. he sees his son in you.”

And now Louis stopped talking, Shane is going to use their son again

“ what are you trying to do Louis? “ Shane asked , their eyes met

“ because I know you are up to something, are you trying to win him back?"

Louis didn't talk, he looked again at the entrance, and no sign for Harry

“ cause I won't leave him for you, I will fight.”

Louis looked at him confused, Shane insisted “ you had your chances.. you lost them all, and I.. I watched him, looked after him, he was broken and I fixed him..”, Louis was looking at Shane, and he saw evil behind his eyes

“ I will never let you have him again.. not now.. not after what I did”

Louis getting angry “ you did what you had to do, that was your job.. “

Shane chuckled “ you don’t know anything about what I did, do you think he was what he is today, you destroyed him and you took his soul and buried with your son, then you ran away... I can't believe you are rude enough to show up again in his life...”

Louis was again affected by Shan's words “ maybe I'm here to fix things.”  
Shane frowned “ fix thing!!..”

Then he laughed “ are you serious, you want to fix things with him, how? How will you fix what you did, how will you fix what he lost? Will you bring his son back? Or will you bring his missed lung.”

He chuckled “ you can’t fix him.”

“ he needs me.”

Shane looked at Louis “ I could save his lung Louis, if you didn't leave him to bleed this much I could save it, I could save all the suffer he went through.. he is going through, I could make him better, you almost killed him, how do you think he needs you.”

Louis stopped talking, it was true, he remembers doctors said the same when Harry arrived at the hospital between life and death, Shane could look through Louis, he knows how to hurt him, he knows how to shake him deep inside

Shane said after standing up “ you would better stay away, he doesn't need you in his life..”

Louis looked at him, Shane smiled archly, and when he was about to leave

“ I know you're cheating on him.”,

Shane looked at Louis, Louis looks back “ I know Sheryl is not your sister.”

Shane looked for a few seconds to Louis, it felt like ages, then he smiled again

“ and that's why I asked to meet you.”

Shane said what he said and left Louis, Louis now understands, Shane was the one who sent the text, Harry never sent anything, Shane knew Louis was waiting for Harry, Shane now knew what Louis knows about him and Sheryl, Shane tricked Louis, and Louis was stupid enough to understand. 

Louis sat on that chair at the bar as long as he can, his mind was racing, he blamed himself for his rashness, and now Harry will pay, the idea alone put him on the edge, he tried to call Harry again, but again it was out of service.

Louis returned to his room, but he found Zayn standing in front of his room knocking on his door, when he noticed Louis he almost yelled,

“ where the hell have you been?”

Louis looked at Zayn, Zayn was this second from panicking, Louis asked hastily

“ what's wrong..”

Zayn “ it's about Harry.. Jeff called..”

Louis confused “ who is Jeff..”

Louis opening the door and the two of them rushed inside, Zayn closing the door behind “ Jeff is the man I asked him about Shane and Sheryl.”

Louis looked at him “ and?”

Zayn shook his head “ you are not gonna like it.”

Louis hastily “ Zayn.. what..”

Zayn sighed, then “ during his thirteen years at his job, he dated three of his patients.. all females..” then he looked at Louis

“ all dead.”  
Louis shocked “ what?.”

Zayn shrugged “ last one got him his clinic.. that was after your accident”

“ and.. he is not accused?”,

Zayn shook his head “ no one suspected anything, they were all sick, all died due to complications.” Louis “ shit..”

Zayn “ we need to be around Harry all the time, we don’t need Shane to suspect anything, we don't even know what is he planning.”

And shit. 

Louis gasped “ shit, shit, shit.. I screw up.”

Zayn didn't understand “ what do you mean.”

Louis panicking now “ shit... I screw up.. he knows I let him know.”

Zayn shouted “ Louis, what did you do?”

“ he sent me a text, he asked me to meet him at the bar, I thought it was Harry, so I rushed there, but it was Shane.”

Zayn cursed under his breath, Louis looked at Zayn  
“ I told him I know about Sheryl.”

Zayn looked at him shockingly “ you did what?”

Louis nodded “ I know.. I screw up.. I need to call Harry.”

Louis tried to call Harry again, and again he was out of service

Zayn was watching him and when he know that it was a dead end

“ come on let's go..”

“ where?”

“ to his room..”

Louis didn't have to ask twice, he was worried too, he ran after Zayn and headed towards Harry's room,  
Shane now knows they know, Shane will act fast at whatever plan he has in his mind. 

When they reached the room, they knocked for so long , no one answered, then one of the housekeeping stuff showed and he told that this room checked out two hours ago.

Harry left. 

Zayn and Louis rushed to the receptionist, they asked her about the room, she told them they really checked out and she also told them that they asked the hotel to book them three tickets back to London, and the plane already took off an hour ago.

With this new information, Louis became hysteric , he kept calling Harry and kept having the same message, the phone was still out of service, Louis collapsed at a chair in the lobby can't bear stand any longer, Harry was now in danger for sure, Louis put Harr in danger again, and he can't contact him to warn him.

“ they were in the plan.”

Said Zayn sitting in front of him “ I have friends working at the airport, they told me.”

Louis sighed almost crying, he felt useless, he felt angry

“ I booked us tickets, we will leave in 30 minutes.. go get ready”

Louis only nodded trying to look strong, to control his shaky hands and his shaky breaths, Zayn noticed so he held his hand

“ he will be okay.. Harry is not stupid.”

Louis only nodded, Harry is not stupid, but he is also kind, and now he was in danger he knows nothing about, Harry his love of his life now was again in dangerous, and Louis again was watching.

The trip to the airport was silent, no one spoke a word, Louis was lost in his mind, keep trying to do the only thing he can, calling Harry. 

Zayn was nervous, and nervous Zayn always prefers silence.

The flight was nearly two hours long, two irritable, anxious hours, Zayn spend most of the time at bathroom cabinet smoking, he couldn’t stop his anxiety and smoking was the only relaxing thing he has.

Louis's mind went to different places, he keeps remembering Shane's words

“ he misses his son"

“ he is dying"

He almost caused himself a panic attack,  
Once the plan landed, Louis tried again to call Harry, but this time when he put out his phone from his pocket, he found a text from Harry's phone, only one word

“ HELP"

Louis didn't think, really he rushed outside, he took his car which he parked outside the airport, Zayn was only following, he asked multiple times what was wrong, but Louis didn't really listen, he had one mission, it was to get to Harry, and Zayn just followed. 

Zayn knew where Louis was going, he still remembers their old house, he asked Louis if he was sure  
Harry was there, and Louis only shrugged, he wasn't sure, but he feels it,

Louis parked the car at the entrance, he rushed followed by Zayn and rang the doorbell, nothing,  
He looked around him, and he still remembers where the extra key was, he raised his hand at the door frame, and there it was , it always was there,  
Louis opened the door, and when he entered, his heart ached, he knew there was something wrong,  
he felt it. 

he walked directly towards the bedroom, his son’s, it was empty, but Harry's bag was there, Harry was there, he called for him, while Zayn moved outside to look for Harry in the back garden 

When Louis was about to follow Zayn, he noticed the door of their bedroom was slightly opened, the light was on. 

Louis heart really was crazy now, he could hardly take a full breath, he felt his hands was shaking, and he begged his legs to move 

He opened the door. 

And here he was, Harry was on the floor, lying on his side, and Louis knew he was unconscious. 

Louis rushed towards him without uttering a single word, he sat beside him on his knee, he flipped  
Harry to his back, and what he saw froze the blood in his veins 

Harry's lips were purple, and his body jolted suddenly but slightly, Louis frowned, he looked at  
Harry’s chest and it wasn't moving, and no,  
He put his head on his chest, and the pulse was nearly there, and now he can panic, he understood what was happening, Harry was suffocating, he had untreated attack, Harry can't breath, Harry was dying. 

“ oh shit..”. 

Louis looked at the voice it was Zayn, he already had his phone on his ears, he was calling help. 

Louis looked back at Harry, at his face, eyes closed, hair stuck on his forehead, it was wet, Harry was sweaty. 

And the time flew back, Louis remembered he swore he will never see Harry dying again, he swore he can't take it, he still having nightmares, he still sees him in his dreams struggling to breath, hears his screams,  
That feelings he promised himself he will never experience, the pain, the weakness, inability to talk, to think, Harry was dying again, and Louis was watching again, and again it was his fault.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter  
> Enjoy   
> English isn't my first language

Few hours earlier,

Harry was in the hotel room back in Ireland pretending sleeping, he saw Shane was texting someone, then he took his room key and he left the room. 

Harry was very angry, he knows who he was meeting, he was going to meet Sheryl, he wanted to confront him, but he needed to be calm, he needed now to see Louis to tell him what the lawyer told him, but he just couldn't. 

That what happened

After Harry leaving Louis to get ready for the dinner, Harry received a phone call from his own lawyer, when Harry suspected Shane three months ago, he asked his lawyer to revise all the possible papers, all the legal stuff related to the hospital, his lawyer told him it would take time specifically because Shane was very caution, and Shane asked his lawyer not to talk to anyone about the legal stuff, not even to Harry,  
And now, Harry's lawyer called him and told him what comes next,

The hospital Harry was building by his money was actually Shane's hospital, all the papers were by Shane's name, Harry absolutely owned nothing, all the money Shane was taking from Harry was now in Shan's account, every paper Harry signed was fake, every contract was fake, everything was actually fake. 

Harry was deceived big time, he trusted Shane, and Shane was the wrong man to trust

At the start Harry was going crazy, he wanted to call Louis and Zayn, he needed to know what to do, and they will help him, really, they would know what to do, but he couldn’t, Shane was already there getting ready, he asked Harry what was his wrong and Harry told him he was feeling tired which sounds okay really with Shane. 

Harry asked his lawyer for any solution, how he could get his money back, his lawyer told him he would figure out something, but right now Harry must stop giving him anything, no more money, no more losses.

When Harry went for dinner, he was still trying to absorb the shock, then he got a text from his lawyer.   
call me it said. 

That's why he excused to use the bathroom, he didn’t.   
Good news Harry, his lawyer started, all you have to do is make his confess, make him tell you everything, every possible thing, record it and that how we can set him up, that's how we can tell the police, and get him arrested. 

It was difficult for Harry to do this, he needed help, he needed to tell Louis, but again he could not , Louis  
Would refuse for sure, extortion a confession from Shane will only put Harry in more danger. 

That's why when Harry returned back to the table he looked better, he wasn't better, he was faking being better, he was faking everything, just like Shane used to do.

Harry had to block his phone directly after talking to his lawyer, he needed to think, he needed to know how he would do what he must do, and he knew Louis would need to contact him. 

When Shane left him , Harry sat on his bed, trying to breath normally, of course all that tension upsets his asthma, Harry opened the drawer next to him, where he was keeping his inhaler and he can't find it, as usual. 

Harry was confused, he was sure he put the inhaler there, he only found the drug bottle Shane gave him last week, he felt his chest was tighten, so he took two pills, and then he lied on his bed, trying to focus to breath okay. 

Harry looked around him and he saw Shane's small bag there, this bag that Shane always holds with him, Harry knew important things must be there, maybe any kind of papers that might actually help. 

Harry opened the bag, it had some papers, some drugs, when Harry held them the label says beta blockers, and that was weird, Shane never complained from any high blood pressure, and any heart diseases, even migraine.

Then it hit him, Harry rushed and opened his drawer and put out his drug, that was supposed to be steroids, that help with his asthma, he put one of his drug and one of the drug that Shane had, and he compared them, they were the same. 

Now Harry understands why he kept getting tired, why his asthma was attacking several times, and why his asthma gotten worse. 

He was giving Harry beta blockers, and it was contraindicated in asthma patients, it makes their asthma worse, and that exactly what was happening with Harry. 

Harry's heart was beating fast, Shane was really trying to kill him, he was scared now, it was serious. 

Harry put the bottle back to Shan's bag, but he saw his inhaler in the bag, Harry closed his eyes, Shane was hiding his inhaler, to push Harry to use his medicine instead, and that exactly what happened a few minutes ago. 

Harry dropped the bag, and rushed to the bathroom, he opened the toilet seat, and he sat on the floor,  
Harry was shaking, he can hardly control his hand, his body. 

He opened his mouth and he put his two fingers in it trying to induce vomiting, he retched, but nothing came out, he tried again, and again there was noting

Harry started crying, he was scared, he tried again and finally he vomited, he saw the drugs now down in the toilet. 

He stopped vomiting, and he took a minute to gain his balance back, he was crying again, how could he put himself in this mess, he stood slowly flushed the toilet, and headed towards the sink, he opened the water, and washed his hand, his mouth, his face, then he looked at himself in the mirror, how pale he looked, how stupid his was, and he cried again, he felt weak, he felt lost, and now he feels hopeless.

Harry moved to the bed again, but before he could sleep, he took two puffs from his inhaler, and then he put it back at Shan's bag, and he lied on the bed, but he couldn't sleep, his full body was still shaking, he was scared.

Harry decided to go to Louis, Louis would calm him down , he would reassure him, he would be there, but once he opened the door, Shane was in front of him,  
“ going somewhere Harry?”

Shane asked

Harry was hesitant for a second, then “ I was going to look for you..”

Shane entered and closed the door, “ glad you are awake.. we must leave now..”

Harry looked confused “ leave?”

Shane nodded he then looked at Harry “ you wanna stay?”

Harry shook his head, Shane “ good.. now pack your stuff..I have important appointment tomorrow back in London.."

Harry couldn’t argue, he just walked and started packing his bag,

“ Shane.. have you seen my inhaler?”

Harry asked pretending busy, Shane said without looking “ no.. you look again, you keep losing it  
Harry, do you feel anything wrong..”

Harry didn't know how to answer, Shane looked at him  
“ what about the new drug I got you, does it make you feel better?”

Harry decided to not talk, he just shook his head,  
Shane sighed and walked to Harry, he stood in front of him, and for the first time for four years  
Harry was scared of Shane's touch,  
“ what do you feel?”,

Harry shrugged “ same..”

Shane nodded, then he headed towards his bag, and he put one of the pills he keeps in his bag

Harry's heart was beating fast, then Shane gave Harry two

Yes two, Harry looked at Shane's hands, and it hurt, how could he do that to him, that easy, how was it that easy for Shane to kill him so slowly, didn't he love him ever, didn't he feel sorry, why does he hate him so much,

“ you will be better.. “ Shane said smiling wide, Harry took the drugs and put them on his mouth, then he moved to the bathroom

Harry spat the pills in the sink and he pretending drinking water

“ have you seen Louis again after the dinner?”,

Shane asked from outside, Harry was nervous, “ no..”,  
Even his voice sounded nervous,

He took a deep breath, he wanted to control himself now, it was really close, the end was close, don't spoil it now Harry. 

When Harry went outside, he sae Shane sitting on the chair looking at him

“ there is something I need you to do for me Harry..”

Harry only nodded, Shane “ I need you to make me a full authorization to your money account before you say anything , I know we talked about this... but.. it's really important this time..”, Harry felt Shane was nervous, so he pushed

“ how?”

Shane sighed, then he stood up “ the coming days they will need plenty of money , to put the final touch, and I don't want to bother you every day with a writing cheques or going to the bank.”

Harry was still looking at Shane, Shane “ don’t you trust me.”

That was a trick question, Harry knew,  
Harry only smiled “ of course I do.. when? "

Shane smiled widely “ right after we arrive back to London, I will take you to the lawyer and we will end everything.”

Harry nodded again, and finished packing while his mind was racing, he needed a plan, he needed a plan right now. 

Harry followed Shane outside the hotel, he prayed to see Louis or Zayn, he couldn't call them he felt Shane was watching him, and when he wanted to go to the loo, Shane went with him, he said he was worried about Harry, and he was looking extremely pale,  
The way to the airport was silent, Harry asked about Sheryl, and Shane said she was already in  
London, she left right after the dinner. 

When they arrived London, Shane wanted to go directly to the lawyer office, but Harry asked him to go first to his house, he needs to get some paper, and he needs to get his extra inhaler, Harry asked again about his inhaler, and again Shane denied having it.

When they arrived home, Harry moved directly to his bathroom, he said he will have a shower, and then he will go with him, Harry opened the water, and then he tried to call Louis, but this time his phone was out of service, Harry's heart skipped a beat, he needed Louis, he needed him now, he tried to call Zayn and his phone was the same, out of service, they were in the plane.

Harry decided to face Shane, alone, he would tell him what he knew, he would make him confess, he wouldn't take any drugs, he would not let him touch him, besides he can't hurt him directly, Shane was smarter than that.

When Harry walked outside his bathroom, he entered his bedroom, they had a camera Zayn bought him when they newly married, Harry set the camera and he put it on play, and he hide it in a place with a good angel. 

Then he tried to calm himself, he took a puff of his inhaler, and he tried to calm himself, he put out his phone from his pocket, and he sent Louis one text message, with one word “ help"

Then he called Shane, Shane entered having the phone on his ear

He entered the room and he looked at Harry, Harry was in a sweatpants, and a hoodie, Shane frowned, then he had to end his call

“ you haven't dressed yet.”

Harry nervously “ yeah.. I'm not going.”

“ but I called the lawyer, even Sheryl is there-.”

Harry smiled “ Sheryl.. your sister Sheryl.”

And Shane dropped his innocent face “ he told you",  
Harry confused “ who?”,

“ your bloody Ex.. he told you about Sheryl and you chose to believe him.”

Harry sighed “ he didn’t tell me anything.. I saw you”

Shane puzzled “ saw us where?”

“ at your office, making out with your sister.”

Shane sighed , he looked down “ okay.. okay you got me Harry..”

Then he looked at him smiling “ and now what?”

Harry was scared he couldn't deny it or hide it anymore  
“ you've been deceiving me for years.”

“ I was - ”

“ you stole my money.. you are building the hospital for yourself..”,

Shane looked down again, then he shook his head  
“ you shouldn’t know this now Harry,you shouldn’t.”

“ you are a burglar.. you faked everything.”

Shane looked at Harry “ no.. you were stupid enough to trust me, you gave me everything by your own hand.”

“ you made me sign fake papers, fake contracts, I wanted to build a hospital by the name of my son.”

“ why?”

Harry stopped talking,  
“ he is already dead.. why bothering yourself with all of this stuff.. this hospital is my work, is my right.”

“ how?”

“ I watched everything.. everything Harry, from day one, I deserve this, the minute I open it you will want me to come out, I'm not even gay Harry, and I will say no, and you will put me out, I will have nothing, I will lose nothing, and I will never let this happen.. never”

“ so you faked everything ?”

Shane nodded ,he was getting angry “ I did, I faked the paper, you signed whatever I asked you to, I had all your money, I was about to have the rest, but you are so stupid.. I can't let you now..”

“ so you will kill me?”

Shane didn't talk, Harry “ I know you had my inhaler, I know about the drugs you keep giving me..”

Shane smiled widely “ you did a good job Harry..”

Harry was staring at him, heart beating fast, loud, breathing fast and loud, all his body shaking,  
Shane “ but you know what.. I don't need them anymore. you will simply have a severe attack, and with one lung.. “ he shook his head pretending being sorry “ you won’t make it and now one is suspecting me.. you are not my first victim.. I have done this before.. a lot..”

Harry looked at him confused

“ you know Harry.. I was saving it for later.. but..”

It happened very fast, Shane jumped on Harry, and with all the power he had , he punched him in his chest, Harry was about to fall unable to breath, and then Shane held him from behind, he put his hand on Harry's chest, Harry was still struggling to breath, and then Shane injected him in his neck, and then pushed him away

At the start Harry didn’t understand what happened,  
But he saw Shane sat in front of him on the chair, he looked at Harry,

“ you will feel it now.. just right now..”

Then Harry felt severe tightness in his chest, he then started to cough his lungs out

“ what I injected you Harry with, will cause you severe bronchospasm, you will cough..”

Harry fell on the ground coughing, he couldn't breath, he couldn't stop himself

“ then the wheeze will begin .. anytime now..”

Harry was on his knee, his hand on his chest, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't make it, he started to feel panic, he wanted his inhaler, he tried to stand, and finally he managed, he walked to where his inhaler was lying , on the nightstand beside his bed,  
Harry reached his hand to grab it, but he was taken away

“ no Harry.. you can't use it.”

Harry looked at Shane, eyes glassy, hand on his chest, back arched, and then he fell again on the ground, he started to feel dizzy, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't talk, he was dying, Harry knew he was dying, slowly Shane sat beside him, he put a pen in Harry's hand,  
“ if you sign this.. I will help you.”

Harry was losing his conscious now, Shane slapped him hard on his face “ focus you idiot. sign this paper.. and all your money will be mine. I will let you live. just do it.”

Harry tried to focus , he saw the paper, he felt the pen in his hand

“ come on Harry, sign the bloody paper.. come on.”

Harry left the pen, and it fell on the floor making a sound only Harry heard it high, then he heard shouting, and yelling, then closed his eyes he couldn't focus and he was too weak to open his eyes anyway, he woyld sleep, or he would die, and it was okay really, he missed his son, and he was happy, he would meet him really soon.

Harry felt a horrible pain shooting in his chest, and then he saw dark.

The next time Harry opened his eyes, he saw white, was it heaven, he knew everything would be bright, but this white, he expected seeing his son beside him, calling his name, he was ready, okay he was happy,  
Harry felt movement beside him, he wanted to look but he can't , he couldn't move, okay , he would talk  
now. 

“ Noah..” his voice was husky, soft, almost whispered,  
Then he felt someone touched his hand, and Harry tried again to move his head, and this time it worked, his vision was blurred at the start, the scene was turbid, he couldn’t recognize the face, but he heard a sniffle, and he knows that sound. 

Harry closed his eyes and opened it again, blue eyes that was swollen and glassy now. 

Then he looked at the lips, thin, surrounded by the light brown beard, Harry smiled, he tried to raise his hand, and slowly he put his hand on the light thin lips,  
“ did I tell you before... I like your beard.” Harry said weakly

Louis also smiled, but his eyes didn't ,his eyes were crying

“ I'm not dead?”

Louis shook his head “ no, baby.. you are okay.”

Harry closed his eyes “ what happened?”

Louis took a deep breath, he kissed Harry's hand “ it doesn’t matter Harry..”

Harry opened his eyes, he looked at Louis “ you came.”

Louis nodded “ of course I came.. I promised.”

Harry smiled “ you didn’t leave me.”

Louis shook his head “ I will never leave you again.”

Harry nodded, then he sighed “ did he ran?”

Louis didn’t talk, Harry “ I'm so stupid.”

Louis whispered “ stop.. “

Harry now started to cry, he wanted to cover his eyes by his hand, but Louis wiped his tears by his finger Harry looked at him , eyes were glassy

“ I'm so stupid.”

Louis shook his head “ you are not.. baby.. you are so strong Harry.”

Harry only cried, Louis “ I found the camera..”

Harry looked at him shocked, Louis nodded “ I saw what he did to you Harry.. that bastard .. I ..”

Then he stopped, he looked down trying to control his voice, Harry noticed that Louis was crying “ it's okay..”

Louis shook his head “ it's not okay.. you almost died again.. I promised myself..”

Then he cried and he covered his eyes with his hand this time

“ what?”

Louis calmed a little “ I promised myself nothing happens to you again.”

Harry smiled “ guess what.. you saved me again.”

Louis looked at him, and he only smiled, Harry finally said “ what happened to him.”

Louis “ he is arrested Harry, he will pay for what he did for you, for the others..”

Harry looked at Louis for more, Louis tried to ignore, but Harry was looking insisting

Louis finally sighed “ he did it before.. deceiving people and finally killing them..”,

Harry was shocked, Louis “ he will pay Harry for what he did..”

Harry nodded but he looked away, he tried to hide his eyes from Louis, and Louis knew he was crying,  
“ why are you crying Harry..”

Harry didn't answer, Louis moved and sat by Harry on his bed, he moved Harry's face by his hand,  
Harry finally sighed “ I feel stupid Louis, I was too blind... I was stupid and all I wanted was someone to-”  
Then he stopped talking,  
Louis felt pain in his heart “ what ?"

Harry “ care.. I was so desperate.. and I almost got myself killed.”

Louis nodded “ I know.. but it was my fault.”

Harry whispered “ not your fault.”

“ I left you alone , to suffer alone, I am the stupid one Harry not you, but I promise I've changed.”

Harry looked at h without talking

“ I will stay, I will never leave, I will be with you, I shouldn't leave. “

Harry cried “ are you sure?”

Louis nodded crying too “ I'm sure..”

“ you will not leave..”

“ I will not leave..”

“ you will forgive yourself..”

Louis didn’t talk, Harry begged him “ please..”

“ I will try..”

Harry nodded smiling “ it's okay... we will do it together..”

Louis nodded “ yes baby.. we will do it together.”

Harry smiled wide, he showed his dimples and God Louis misses his dimples

“ I love you Lou..”  
Louis smiled too “ I love you Hazza..”

Nine months later,

Harry and Louis was in the cemeteries, they were in front of a stone holding a name of  
“ Noah Tomlinson"

Louis was holding flowers, while Harry sat on his knee, looking at the stone, he smiled widely

“ hi baby.. I miss you.. I hope everything is great there..” then he looked at Louis

“ papa is here too.. say Hi Lou.”

Louis looked at Harry, eyes glassy, then he slowly sat beside his husband “ hi Baby.”

Harry smiled and looked back at the stone,  
“ we are back together. you did a good job Noah. but it took you four years to convince God to bring us back together..” he chucked “ but it's a great job baby. thank you.. I know I kept asking..”

Louis smiled too, he looked at Harry, who only shrugged

Louis looked back at the stone “ thank you Noah.. and thank God for me.”

“ baby..” then he put out a photograph from his pocket “ I made it..”

The photo showed Harry and Louis standing together smiling to the camera and behind them a great building carrying a name of  
“ Noah hospital”

Harry sighed “ it took me long I know.. but hay I did it anyway.. it's for you Noah.”

Then he looked at Louis “ papa helped too.”

Louis only nodded, he was looking down

Harry looked back at the tone “ I love you son.”

Louis tried to stop his tears , then he looked back at the stone  
“ I love you son.”

He was crying, but this time he didn’t feel guilty, Harry intertwined his hand with Louis, and together they were looking at the stone, together they told their sons how they backed together, they told him about the small party they held for their remarriage, they told h how Zayn, Liam, and Niall were extremely happy for them,  
They finally told him how happy they were, and Louis finally said to his son that he understands now, he understands that accidents happen, he told his son he started finally to forgive himself , and he told his son to ask God to help him doing it, Harry was watching his husband happily, he was happy he finally let him in, that Louis finally talked about the accident, talked about his son, that Louis finally talked to Harry about the pain he feels in his heart, and they promised together they will over come that, together they will learn how to get over this, how they will live their lives gain, together  
Together.


End file.
